Week 8
Passionate Playback: Week 8
Well here we are again. Another week down, and, as is customary for us Emotional Friends this time of year, it seems like just a blink of an eye ago we were all still gearing up for the draft. Nevertheless, we find ourselves on the precipice of a final quarter of the season that is shaping up to be a photo finish for the final playoff spots. Thus, the highly trained staff (of just me) is showing up to the dinner table once again, serving up some fresh-ass, fire roasted takes so hot you might need to throw back a little Peptol when we’re done. You know, just to be safe. Anyhow, as we set our sights on another titillating slate of matchups on the Week 9 horizon, we bring to the forefront some of the league’s message board commentary very astutely pointing out how this season is once more following the usual pattern of craziness and unpredictability that creates the buzz and excitement that only Fantasy can bring out. After a very big win for Kyle last week, he now can claim an entry spot as a participant in the epic seven team Battle Royale that is about to take place for one of four seats at the table come playoff time. That is correct, with just five weeks left in the season, we have seven teams with a legitimate chance to make the playoffs and I for one am not going to mess around, and I’m just going to slip on the sweat pants right now. With what we might be about to experience in the upcoming weeks, placing a premium on flexibility for the threads surrounding the crotchal-region is going to be good call. I suggest you join me. Especially, when I know it is going to provoke a special kind of sick arousal from the likes of you all when I remind us we have one of our esteemed managers making a historic run for the title of “Shittiest Team Ever” and the illustrious defeated season. It’s all so very exciting! So, if you’re anything like me, the anxiety is continuing to build as the anticipation for what the last five weeks of Fantasy has in store is taking us right to the edge of blowing a load the size of Lake Michigan. So just feed off the nervous energy of the crowd as you sit front row to a dark stage, while a thin layer of fog begins to rise from the ground, and the angelic T Sizzle is illuminated by single beam of light flashed over the mass assembly of fellow Swifties. When she begins to belt out those heavenly pop infused lyrics that embody the true soul Fantasy Football, let all your insecurities walk right out the door, and throw those hands up and let out a long repressed primal scream like a 14 year-old girl! It’s Fantasy Football baby and we’re on to Week 9!
♫ ♪ ♩ ♪ ♬ ♫
Start you for a spark
All eyes on you, on a mission
All eyes on us
You make everyone disappear, and
Cut D’s into pieces
Points, holding hostage my feelings
Back against the wall
Dippin', Dip-Dipppin' and you're gone
We might break down a little
And on defenders, alone, it's so simple
'Cause baby, I know what you know
We can feel it
And the pieces fall
Right into place
Get caught up in the moment
I’m taking 1st place
So it goes
Your mine to keep
And I won’t lose
You know my team ain’t good, but
I
Do score points with you
So it goes
♫ ♪ ♩ ♪ ♬ ♫
Headlines:
Mediocre Team Tyler gets rid of cable and upgrades to DirecTv; defeats Trevor 217.25-144.1
The staff highlighted this game coming into the Week 8 showdown with Trevor and Tyler as possibly the symbolic passing in the night of two teams headed in opposite directions of the final standings. Then, without any regard for the probably now fragile psyche of Trevor and his struggling squad, Tyler emphatically authored an onslaught of Fantasy Points unlike anything we have seen so far this season. Not only did he score an astronomical 217.25, he left over 40 points just sitting on his bench. Even though bench points mean nothing, this is the most thoroughly impressive performance of the year for any team in my mind. The strangeness of his season definitely continued as he somehow managed to set the least optimal lineup of anyone, but I found that as a true testament to how good his team looks from top to bottom. Averaging over 195 points per game the last two weeks in big victories, he heads into the final five weeks of the season by setting himself up about as perfectly as he could have asked for after the 2-4 start. Finding himself at 4-4, he is currently only a single game behind Trevor and Kevin, and he appears yet again to be peaking at the most important stretch of the season, rocking another formidable team that none of us should want to face in the playoffs. Let this be a lesson for all the shitty teams. Don’t be like Mediocre Team Tyler and get rid of cable.
As for Trevor, he drops his second game in a row and his once seemingly very cozy spot in top four of the standings is starting to get dangerously vulnerable. With a prime opportunity to manufacture a little extra cushion between him and the suddenly blazing hot squad of Tyler’s, he now finds himself feeling some serious heat, as Tyler pulls even closer to his rear. Undoubtedly riddled with some other worldly swamp ass at this point, Trevor’s team will now roll into a critical Week 9 bout against the team he is tied with for the final two playoff spots, Big Kev and his Captain Kirk led crew of enigmatic fantasy players. It can’t be understated how absolutely crucial this game is for both parties facing off, as the victor should theoretically increase their playoff odds substantially. On the flip side, the loser is going to endure a considerable dip in their playoff chances with Tyler licking his chops going into his favorable matchup with Grant. My prediction? Kevin posts several Kirky-Kirk “YOU LIKE THAT!?” memes to the group chat in a lopsided victory.
Grant and Daniel’s seasons tragically found dead after eight week battle with shittiness; both lose must-win Week 8 contests
Cue up the string quartet from the Titanic, because Daniel’s and Grant’s seasons are sadly going down for good. Grant admirably has taken on the difficult proposition of interim manager, trying to compete with a roster so poorly constructed in the draft that we all kind of knew he never really had a shot. Coming into Week 8, if he was going to have one last gasp for an opportunity to make the playoffs this year, he was gong to have to take down the number one team in the league standings to do it. Cut to Sunday when he was viciously subjected to a 70-point shellacking at the hands of the Commish, and it becomes painfully clear to all of us that it was at no point ever meant to be this year for Grant. Even with his 2-1 start and the stories starting to trickle out early of the underdog ghost manager who might lead his team to glory, it just never felt like it was all going to come together for him this year. Well, five straight losses later and, much like our main man Jack, his team’s season now lifelessly sinks deep into the cold and dark abyss of the Atlantic’s floor for its final resting place.
Moving along to Mr. Daniel, it has been a slightly different story for him this season but ultimately the same result. Winless through the first four games and looking like he was going to be a worthy adversary to Kam in the quest for worst team in the league, he strung off two victories in a row in Week 5 and Week 6 to maybe give himself a sliver of hope that he can pull off an improbable run. His hopes were viciously snatched away by the rejuvenated Tyler in Week 7 and the somehow-still-alive Kyle in Week 8 after he failed to capture a W in either affair. To be completely honest, it’s not like Daniel flashed any sort sign that he maybe possessed a group that could erupt for a mid season run. Fun Fact: he is one of only two managers to not break the 150-point plateau in a single game so far this season (you can guess who the other person is…), and this is even more disheartening to learn when we remind you, in Week 7, Rodgers scored him over 59 points (*shakes head*). If there ever was one, this is about as dooming a statistic you can find on his horrific season. In any season where things go so appallingly wrong, bad breaks and misfortune can certainly be pointed to as a contributing factor (See: Kamara Injury). Ultimately though, it is our contention that, unlike others who navigated injuries, him botching the draft and then failing miserably at working the waiver is what spelled his demise. Grant. Daniel. It has been an honor playing Fantasy with you this year.
Well that is going to do it for this week as I was up against the clock and I unfortunately didn’t get to share my full array of spicy thoughts I had on you all. In the interest of some Passionate Playback being better than none, at the final hour we decided to release what we had after unexpected backlash on the league comment board. We thank you for joining us again this week, even if it was brief. I leave you with power rankings so you can all sleep peacefully knowing where you stand with the computers. Peace out!
Power Rankings:
1. AlexAshak 7-1; Power Score: 8.9
2. Jressa 7-1; Power Score: 8.15
3. DWwarner 4-4; Power Score: 8.05
4. Kshak 5-3; Power Score 7.3
5. Tborgs 4-4; Power Score: 6.75
6. Tspires 5-3; Power Score: 5.85
7. KartierKyle 4-4; Power Score: 4.15
8. HouseWeverstad 2-6; Power Score: 4.05
9. DanielWest 2-6; Power Score: 3.3
10. KamSmith 0-8; Power Score: 1.45
