Awards
Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas Dumbest Call of the Week
Our old pals, Harry and Lloyd, weren't necessarily known for being the sharpest tools in the ole' shed. Often times, managers find themselves making calls to start or sit players that leave us asking if they'd been sucking back on Grandpa's old cough medicine. This very "special" award is only given out to those who display the Fantasy Acumen in a given week that is on the same level as these two trying to navigate Aspen and return a suitcase full of cash to... Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? ...Swanson? (*Checks briefcase*) Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though. So, congratulations on being one pathetic loser!
Dominic Toretto Ballsiest Call of the Week
Dom always lived his life a quarter mile at a time, without regard for law enforcement, property damage, or general human safety. It takes some serious cojones for someone to be on the level of our main man, Dom. This award goes to the manager who showed up to his matchup, bucked all conventional Fantasy Wisdom, and much like Mr. Toretto, pulled out their massive, hairy, nuts for the entire league to gargle on, in a big time victory. So congratulations my friend, because as Dom says, it doesn't matter if you win by mile or by an inch, winning is winning.
Will Hunting Smartest Call of the Week
Do you know how fucking easy it was for Will? Yeah, no equation was too difficult for this kid from Southie, and no Fantasy decision was too hard for the manager who is given this award. Any time someone shows up to their matchup making a start or sit decision that pays off so handsomely we all wake up and realize that we may have spent 150 grand on an education we could have gotten for $1.50 in late fees at the public library, they can earn this honorable distinction. So, congratulations! My boy's wicked smaaht!
Rod Kimble Biggest Disappointment of the Week
There really is nothing better than a BIG-ASS STUNT! Yet, Rod, never quite lived up the hype of being a world class stunt man. This award goes out to the manager who summoned all souls of the Animal Kingdom in a seemingly easy matchup, only to crash harder than Rod trying to jump a public pool. So congratulations! You used to be legit. In fact, you were too legit. You were too legit to quit. But now you're not legit. And for that reason, you must quit. Cool beans.
Rudy Ruettiger Biggest Upset of the Week
All his life, no one every gave Rudy a shot. Still, he never gave up on his dreams and overcame every seemingly impossible obstacle to prove the doubters wrong by (lining up offsides?) officially recording a sack in a game for the University of Notre Dame. Just like, Rudy, this award is for the manager who it didn't seem like they had a chance in the world at winning, but came out victorious and had his team metaphorically carry him off the field. So, congratulations! At five foot nothin' a hundred and nothin' and barely a speck of athletic ability, you can be proud you hung in there with the best Fantasy Teams in the land.
Dr. Rick Marshall Best "Fuck You" Performance of the Week
Once, laughed off the set of the Today Show for his controversial ideas on time travel, Dr. Marshall stuck it Matt Lauer when he proved his Tachyon Amplifier actually worked. In Fantasy, there isn't a better feeling when you can stick it to an opposing manager by picking up a back up for one of their injured players and riding said player to victory. So, this award goes out to the manager who can pull this off, like the way Dr. Marshall was able to pull off the greatest discovery in the history of human kind. As always, you know what this means? Matt Lauer can suck it!
Shane Falco Best Replacement Player Call of the Week
Let's be honest, one of the hardest parts of managing a Fantasy team is finding replacements when your star player is sidelined in a bye week. This award goes to the manager who uses their managerial savvy to find a replacement that leads them to victory like our man Shane Falco leading a last second drive for the win. Regardless, of whether they will always be a replacement player, it doesn't matter to you. So congratulations for finding someone willing to take the ball when the games on the line. So what's it gonna be? You want the ball? Winners always do.
Pepper Brooks and Cotton McKnight Game of the Week
Cotton and Pepper were no strangers to calling some of the greatest matchups in the history of dodgeball. Well, this award goes out anytime there is a matchup so crazy, so wild, and so unbelievable that we all collectively can't help but say, "I feel shocked!" Ladies and gentlemen, Cotton has been to the Great Wall of China. He has seen the Pyramids of Egypt. He's even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all his years as a sportscaster has he witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as the matchup that gets this award. Pepper needs new shorts!
Gus Bus Best Bench of the Week
Sometimes you feel that you have the perfect line up set, only to look more stupid than grown men playing 12 year-olds in Little League. That's right, this award is given to those very "smart" managers who have their bench go off in a week like the Benchwarmers destroying a group of little kids in baseball. Too bad it was totally meaningless... Gus- Gus... Gus Bus!
