Week 2
Passionate Playback: Week 2
I bid to you fine gents a good morrow and kindly welcome you in from another exciting week of Fantasy Football. While the action was fierce and the scoring was a plenty, there is no doubt that many of you lie weary and shaken from a brutal rash of injuries that unexpectedly hit us like a semi-truck splattering an innocent, unsuspecting cow trying to cross a highway. While some of us made it through unscathed and escaped the unforgiving clutches of the injury bug, most of us were not so lucky. As we sit here today, four of the players taken in the first round are out of commission (McCaffery, Saquon, Michael Thomas, and Davante Adams), with the possibility of a fifth missing some time as well (Julio). This is all not to mention the multitudes of other quality starters that went down last Sunday. It is quite simply a miracle, only by the divine grace of the Fantasy Gods, that no person in our league has succumbed completely to the heartbreak and hopelessness that Fantasy injuries have been known to incite countless times in the past. Based on the league’s recent activity from top to bottom, I owe you all a giant helping of brownie points for not giving up hope quite yet. Mad respect y'all. Nevertheless, I didn't want to have to bring this up, but if things get even worse in the weeks to come, I know a guy, who knows this other guy, who can get his hands on some pretty potent pharmaceuticals to help us ease the anxiety going forward. Not saying that we are going to need it, just thought I would mention it so you could file that away for future reference.
Anyway, as we transition to our third week of the season, I don't think I need put any emphasis on the importance the waivers carry this week. Currently, there are eight teams (Sorry Kev and DW) that hold a record of 2-0 or 1-1, and have as good a chance as any to propel themselves to the top of the standings in the early going and set themselves up for the meat of the schedule nicely. As Herb Brooks once said, “Great moments are born from great opportunity.” That is what we have here this week, boys. Through the first two weeks we have some of the highest scoring outputs in league history with a whopping 151.7 points scored per team. Last season we only topped a 150 point average twice, and we’ve already accomplished that feat this year in consecutive weeks to start the season. So, as we all make a mad dash to the waivers and subject our teams to a flurry of roster adjustments, remember, the points are out there to be had. This could be the start of a big year for those who can prove themselves worthy by nabbing the next great waiver addition and in turn grab the season by the balls. Thus, even after the treacherous slate of injury riddled games we endured, this week we roll on as scheduled, serving up a good, clean, wholesome plateful of the Passionate Playback as bit of cathartic relief. My highly trained staff (of just me) has been in the kitchen all week brewing up the piping hot takes, spicy insights, and juicy analysis, all stirred into a giant pot of some good ole' fashion power rankings! So pull up a seat to the table, grab a plate, and just go to town on the delectable flavorings that only I can so fervently produce from the deepest depths of my loins of knowledge. I make it extra special for you all, each and every time.
Oh, and I almost forgot. For an appetizer, you ask? That would be an.... INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH! This one goes out to the whole league to get you ready for next week. (P.S. I added the video as the soundtrack to the speech to play as you read it).
"I address you tonight not as the director of the Passionate Playback staff, not as the two time reigning standing leader, but as a fellow Fantasy Manager. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Fantasy Gods call last week an "Armageddon Week”… the injuring of most players. And yet, for the first time in the history of Fantasy Football, managers have the technology and insight to prevent the extinction of their team’s chances. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent your team from total disaster is being called into service.
The human thirst for… excellence… fantasy knowledge. Every Mathew Berry article, every adventurous reach in the draft, all of our combined modern analytic models and gut instincts, even the waiver wire flops from the past have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle on the injury bug. Through all the chaos that was last week, through all of the wrong calls and bad luck, through all of the pain and suffering caused by MetLife Stadium’s Turf of Death, through all of our time playing fantasy, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated managers above its origins, and that is our courage.
The dreams of a Fantasy Championship for you all are focused tonight on roster decisions and waiver pickups you are sending out to battle on the virtual grid iron this Sunday. And may we all, Fantasy Managers the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you."
Awards:
Rod Kimble Biggest Disappointment of the Week – Kevin; loses badly to Alex 137.6 – 174.25
Coming off the tough Monday Night blown lead last week to Kyle, Big Kev had a strong opportunity to bounce back against his other biggest rival in the league, Alex, in a rematch of last season’s title game. Only a season ago, Kevin produced some of his greatest performances against his brother to capture a pristine 3-0 record against Alex and establish the “big brother” dominance en route to a championship. Further, this match up was hyped on the message boards through a little brother to brother trash talk by Kev going into it, and the stage was set for him to get his team on track for a run at a repeat. It was all not to be as he struggled mightily from the get-go and failed to even make this a game. While I’m sure the league was collectively laughing very hard at the expense of Kev’s shittiness, the frustration had to be through the roof for the embattled manager as he sunk to a new low of abhorrent fantasy play. Definitely not ideal for the big fella and an absolute disappointment through and through… The safe word is hhhwhiskey!
Will Hunting Smartest Call of the Week – Alex playing Jonnu Smith at TE; scores 24.4
While the TE position was not the determining factor in his decisive victory, the 24 points Alex got from his waiver addition this week definitely didn’t hurt. Amongst several big performances by Alex’s roster, it did not go unnoticed by the staff the excellent decision making our league commish displayed by picking up Jonnu off the waivers in place of his injured star TE. We call that Fantasy Managing from the top shelf. So hats off to you Alex for the smart call… Now I gotta go see about a girl.
Gus Bus Best Bench of the Week – Trevor’s bench performance; goes off in loss to Daniel
While Trevor is no stranger to being gifted lucky victories by the Fantasy Gods time and time again, this Week 2 match up against Daniel-San was the opposite of what we typically see. Coming off a big Week 1, Daniel’s team struggled immensely in Week 2 trying to overcome several injuries and poor fantasy performances. The door was wide open for Trevor to throw a massive dose of fantasy reality right in the face of last week’s highest scoring manager. The only problem is Trev forgot he needed to start his highest scoring players, much like the Falcons hands team forgot they can touch the ball before 10 yards on kickoffs. Cam Newton, Tyler Boyd, Robby Anderson, and Hayden Hurst all combined to score 96.8 points between them. Trevor’s team in total? That would be a pathetic 131.45…You just lost your membership to Video Spot!
Power Rankings:
1. KenUdigit 2-0; Power Score: 9.5
Coming in atop the power rankings for our first edition of 2020 is our newest member, Grant, who is playing this season under his alias, Dr. Kenneth Ulysses Digitonio, or, as he is better known on the hip streets of Fantasy: Ken U. Digit. It has been nothing short of amazing what Grant has accomplished through his first two weeks, amassing the most points scored (356.7), sporting a shimmering 15-3 league record, and leaving just 34 points on his bench through 2 games (2nd to yours truly). While there were questions regarding the efficacy of his drafting abilities and his season long fantasy acumen entering the 2020 campaign by some, the early returns seem to be a resounding “Fuck You” to his critics. That said, as I caution every year, as the numbers regress to the mean and we get more variance and injuries in the middle of the season, holding the distinction of #1 for a prolonged amount of time is an extremely difficult task. Yet, with the 1-2 punch of Kamara and Lil Kyler at the helm of Grant’s team, there definitely is still reason for optimism that he can at least maintain a firm grip on the upper echelon tier of the power rankings. Only time will tell, however. My prediction though? We are going to have so many managers sitting on the pole of the power rankings that Brazzers will be calling to make the power rankings their newest addition to their roster of “talented” models.
2. tborgs4 1-1; Power Score: 8.75
Just barely making it into the #2 slot is Tyler, our first real surprise of the power rankings due to his 1-1 record. Nonetheless the computers have loved Tyler’s performances in the first few weeks of play, and after a down year in which he blew his chances of making the playoffs and defending his 2018 title last year, he rides high into 2020 with a very promising start. Even though he only has a single win to show for thus far, his points per game average through two weeks of 170.65 (2nd in the league to Grant’s 178.35) is nothing to scoff at. This is not to mention he also shares the same sparkling league record of 15-3 with Grant, and he has undoubtedly been one of the best teams in the league in the early goings of his campaign. Known for his up and down play and close games, the question becomes can he shake the funk of 2019 and be more consistent? I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. He finished second in points scored last year but still went under .500, so the jury is still out. What I do know is, if Tyler wants a little boost this year, throwing a tad more T Sizzle on the ole Spotify playlist definitely can’t be a bad thing. Just a thought.
3. DanielWest 2-0; Power Score: 8.7
Falling into the #3 hole by a nose is our main man Daniel-San and his unorthodox fantasy roster of stud TEs and rookie RBs. An interesting little nugget that some of you may not have realized is that dating back to Week 11 of 2019, Daniel is undefeated over the course of his last 5 regular seasons games. Yes, you just read that correctly. The formerly tormented Fantasy manager has quietly put together a rather impressive stretch of Fantasy play and has catapulted himself up near the top of the standings and the power rankings to start the new year. Right on cue however, 1st overall pick and ultimate fantasy stallion, C Mac, capitulated himself to the dreaded Daniel Injury Curse and will miss extended time. Unfortunately, D-Man once again has to suffer through many more sleepless nights, waking up in cold sweats, and screaming to the Fantasy Gods, “Why Me!?” I have to be brutally honest here though, we all could see this one coming from a mile away. While he is still 2-0 after escaping with a win against the lifeless corpse of a team that Trevor inexplicably decided to roll out last week, Daniel has his work cut out for him if he wants to remain in the conversation for the playoffs. Kudos to you on the great start my man, but the staff has officially panic sold all of our Daniel stock we so emphatically bought up last week. Go figures. Anyhow, for more on Daniel’s team we are going to kick it out live to the picturesque beauty of a woman, Erin Andrews, who has spent all week with Daniel’s team as they prepare to take on DW. Erin, how is his team holding up after being devastated by injuries last week?
“Not well.”
Thanks again, Erin. We appreciate the consummate professionalism week in and week out with the inside knowledge that only you know how to provide. Until next week, keep that sexy ass of yours in shape!
4. AlexAshak 1-1; Power Score: 7.0
Sliding in safely at the #4 slot is our league commish, Alex, after a huge Week 2 victory over his brother to reclaim the belt of Best Fantasy Ashak Brother. Following his tragic late season collapse and coming one step short of reaching the top of the Fantasy mountain last season, Alex seems to have re-energized himself with new found edge and grittiness for 2020. His 4th best League Record (9-9) and his 4th most points scored (317.1) are nothing to write home about, and he is going to have to drastically improve the sit start/decisions (minus the Jonnu decision) as he has left a league worst 71.1 possible points on his bench over the first two weeks. However, he seems to have found a gem in second round pick Aaron Jones to pair with his trusty steed, Zeke, to arguably make him the manager rocking the best RB combo in the league. All signs seem to be pointing up right now and we have to assume he is primed to make another run this season for the coveted league title. But we all know what happens when you assume…
5. Jressa 1-1; Power Score: 6.95
As we turn to yours truly, rolling on in at dead middle of the power rankings, I have to say I am feeling pretty good about my team, even after the dismal performance of Week 1. The Jekyll and Hyde nature of my team, going from worst scoring team to second highest scoring team in Week 2, undeniably has me concerned that I may be trying to evade the vicious bear hold of Madame Inconsistency throughout this season. However, after a big turn in the positive direction last week, I feel I have righted the ship with some saavy roster maneuvering by trading away the blood sucking life force that was Joe Mixon and turning him into the very solid Chris Carson. On top of that, my sit/start decisions have been stellar, as I lead the league with only 24.7 points left on the bench so far through two games. If I am being honest, I can’t expect to sustain that kind of pace throughout the season, but I can’t help but get excited knowing that my 4th round pick and WR1 (Kenny Golloday) is making his debut this week, adding even more reinforcements to arrive just in time to start making my move. Still, I can’t get ahead of myself at this point, as I have yet to really face a tough match up, and I know it is coming sooner rather than later. We refuse to look ahead and are taking it one game at a time… As Belichik would say, “We’re on to Tyler”.
6. Tspires 1-1; Power Score: 6.8
Moving along to the #6 spot of the power rankings, we have Trevor and his bottomless well of Fantasy Fortune that he somehow can tap into year after year. To start this season, it seems like the well is open for business again as Trevor jumped out to a 1-1 record while being 7th in the league in Points Against (292.95). Nonetheless, his 169.65 points he scored in Week 1 was admittedly a strong showing but failing to capitalize on Daniel’s down week in his last match up was very disconcerting to the staff. If Trevor can’t get out of his own way this season, even with an abundance of luck, it may not be enough for him to keep his streak alive of finishing near the top of the standings. As is the case every year, until further notice, we are going to just pencil Trevor in to be right there when playoff time comes rolling around. Is the jinx in you ask? I’ll never say…
7. Jweverstad 1-1; Power Score: 6.1
As we make our way down the rankings, at the #7 position is the mangy grangy manager himself, Jared. After his 2019 hiatus, Jared has big dreams of taking the league by storm in 2020 and making a triumphant return to the league by snatching Fantasy Glory. The staff admits it would be a cool story. The dirty little secret, however, is that through two weeks, Jared has failed to provide any indication he has a roster capable of accomplishing this feat. Even though he is 1-1, Jared is going to need a sizable boost in his 7th most amount of points scored, and a marked improvement on his awful 6-12 League Record (3rd worst in the league) if he is going to have any chance of reaching his ultimate goal. For now he is relegated near the bottom of the power rankings, still very much gripping firmly to the hope that his Fantasy head-movie won’t make his eyes rain in sadness, as he tells us all, “I g-g-got a goo-goo-good teammm.” I think you’ve got a fine team, Jared!
8. KartierKyle 1-1; Power Score: 6.0
New year, but same old Kyle. While we continue our descent down the power rankings, hiding away comfortably in a remarkably familiar location is Kyle, sitting at #8. Each year I think things might change and we could finally have a chance to heap some positive praise on the off criticized manager, but Kyle just keeps showing up with the mind bottling decisions like the ladies of the night who just keep showing up to the streets each evening looking to make a quick buck to satisfy their drug addictions. Just like the those same “escorts” who keep telling themselves their going to quit, we all know it’s not going to happen, and we all know Kyle will continue to baffle us as the year goes on. Now, I would be remissed not to at least acknowledge that he is 1-1 and has just as good of a shot as any in the league to make a championship run based on record alone, then again, who are we kidding? He pulled out some luck in Week 1, but the staff is worried his Week 2 performance is more in line of what is to come when he could only eek out a horridly miniscule 119.9 points, which stands as the lowest output of any team so far this season. You hate to see it, but Kyle’s gonna’ Kyle. It’s what he does.
9. DWwarner 0-2; Power Score: 3.45
Almost reaching the bottom of the power rankings, we shift to the #9 spot and discover DW reeling from back to back horrid weeks of play and now trying to navigate the season without his first round pick, Saquon Barkley. For how great his start to the 2019 year was with his epic scoring binge unlike anything our league has seen, the start to this season has been almost equally as bad. Don’t take my word for it, I’ll let the numbers do the talking:
- 5-13 League Record, tied for worst in the league
- 270.05 Points For, good for second worst in the league
- 55.2 points left on his bench, which is the 4th most in the league
Thank you, numbers. Now finish you coloring book and go to bed.
I bid to you fine gents a good morrow and kindly welcome you in from another exciting week of Fantasy Football. While the action was fierce and the scoring was a plenty, there is no doubt that many of you lie weary and shaken from a brutal rash of injuries that unexpectedly hit us like a semi-truck splattering an innocent, unsuspecting cow trying to cross a highway. While some of us made it through unscathed and escaped the unforgiving clutches of the injury bug, most of us were not so lucky. As we sit here today, four of the players taken in the first round are out of commission (McCaffery, Saquon, Michael Thomas, and Davante Adams), with the possibility of a fifth missing some time as well (Julio). This is all not to mention the multitudes of other quality starters that went down last Sunday. It is quite simply a miracle, only by the divine grace of the Fantasy Gods, that no person in our league has succumbed completely to the heartbreak and hopelessness that Fantasy injuries have been known to incite countless times in the past. Based on the league’s recent activity from top to bottom, I owe you all a giant helping of brownie points for not giving up hope quite yet. Mad respect y'all. Nevertheless, I didn't want to have to bring this up, but if things get even worse in the weeks to come, I know a guy, who knows this other guy, who can get his hands on some pretty potent pharmaceuticals to help us ease the anxiety going forward. Not saying that we are going to need it, just thought I would mention it so you could file that away for future reference.
Anyway, as we transition to our third week of the season, I don't think I need put any emphasis on the importance the waivers carry this week. Currently, there are eight teams (Sorry Kev and DW) that hold a record of 2-0 or 1-1, and have as good a chance as any to propel themselves to the top of the standings in the early going and set themselves up for the meat of the schedule nicely. As Herb Brooks once said, “Great moments are born from great opportunity.” That is what we have here this week, boys. Through the first two weeks we have some of the highest scoring outputs in league history with a whopping 151.7 points scored per team. Last season we only topped a 150 point average twice, and we’ve already accomplished that feat this year in consecutive weeks to start the season. So, as we all make a mad dash to the waivers and subject our teams to a flurry of roster adjustments, remember, the points are out there to be had. This could be the start of a big year for those who can prove themselves worthy by nabbing the next great waiver addition and in turn grab the season by the balls. Thus, even after the treacherous slate of injury riddled games we endured, this week we roll on as scheduled, serving up a good, clean, wholesome plateful of the Passionate Playback as bit of cathartic relief. My highly trained staff (of just me) has been in the kitchen all week brewing up the piping hot takes, spicy insights, and juicy analysis, all stirred into a giant pot of some good ole' fashion power rankings! So pull up a seat to the table, grab a plate, and just go to town on the delectable flavorings that only I can so fervently produce from the deepest depths of my loins of knowledge. I make it extra special for you all, each and every time.
Oh, and I almost forgot. For an appetizer, you ask? That would be an.... INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH! This one goes out to the whole league to get you ready for next week. (P.S. I added the video as the soundtrack to the speech to play as you read it).
"I address you tonight not as the director of the Passionate Playback staff, not as the two time reigning standing leader, but as a fellow Fantasy Manager. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Fantasy Gods call last week an "Armageddon Week”… the injuring of most players. And yet, for the first time in the history of Fantasy Football, managers have the technology and insight to prevent the extinction of their team’s chances. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent your team from total disaster is being called into service.
The human thirst for… excellence… fantasy knowledge. Every Mathew Berry article, every adventurous reach in the draft, all of our combined modern analytic models and gut instincts, even the waiver wire flops from the past have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle on the injury bug. Through all the chaos that was last week, through all of the wrong calls and bad luck, through all of the pain and suffering caused by MetLife Stadium’s Turf of Death, through all of our time playing fantasy, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated managers above its origins, and that is our courage.
The dreams of a Fantasy Championship for you all are focused tonight on roster decisions and waiver pickups you are sending out to battle on the virtual grid iron this Sunday. And may we all, Fantasy Managers the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you."
Awards:
Rod Kimble Biggest Disappointment of the Week – Kevin; loses badly to Alex 137.6 – 174.25
Coming off the tough Monday Night blown lead last week to Kyle, Big Kev had a strong opportunity to bounce back against his other biggest rival in the league, Alex, in a rematch of last season’s title game. Only a season ago, Kevin produced some of his greatest performances against his brother to capture a pristine 3-0 record against Alex and establish the “big brother” dominance en route to a championship. Further, this match up was hyped on the message boards through a little brother to brother trash talk by Kev going into it, and the stage was set for him to get his team on track for a run at a repeat. It was all not to be as he struggled mightily from the get-go and failed to even make this a game. While I’m sure the league was collectively laughing very hard at the expense of Kev’s shittiness, the frustration had to be through the roof for the embattled manager as he sunk to a new low of abhorrent fantasy play. Definitely not ideal for the big fella and an absolute disappointment through and through… The safe word is hhhwhiskey!
Will Hunting Smartest Call of the Week – Alex playing Jonnu Smith at TE; scores 24.4
While the TE position was not the determining factor in his decisive victory, the 24 points Alex got from his waiver addition this week definitely didn’t hurt. Amongst several big performances by Alex’s roster, it did not go unnoticed by the staff the excellent decision making our league commish displayed by picking up Jonnu off the waivers in place of his injured star TE. We call that Fantasy Managing from the top shelf. So hats off to you Alex for the smart call… Now I gotta go see about a girl.
Gus Bus Best Bench of the Week – Trevor’s bench performance; goes off in loss to Daniel
While Trevor is no stranger to being gifted lucky victories by the Fantasy Gods time and time again, this Week 2 match up against Daniel-San was the opposite of what we typically see. Coming off a big Week 1, Daniel’s team struggled immensely in Week 2 trying to overcome several injuries and poor fantasy performances. The door was wide open for Trevor to throw a massive dose of fantasy reality right in the face of last week’s highest scoring manager. The only problem is Trev forgot he needed to start his highest scoring players, much like the Falcons hands team forgot they can touch the ball before 10 yards on kickoffs. Cam Newton, Tyler Boyd, Robby Anderson, and Hayden Hurst all combined to score 96.8 points between them. Trevor’s team in total? That would be a pathetic 131.45…You just lost your membership to Video Spot!
Power Rankings:
1. KenUdigit 2-0; Power Score: 9.5
Coming in atop the power rankings for our first edition of 2020 is our newest member, Grant, who is playing this season under his alias, Dr. Kenneth Ulysses Digitonio, or, as he is better known on the hip streets of Fantasy: Ken U. Digit. It has been nothing short of amazing what Grant has accomplished through his first two weeks, amassing the most points scored (356.7), sporting a shimmering 15-3 league record, and leaving just 34 points on his bench through 2 games (2nd to yours truly). While there were questions regarding the efficacy of his drafting abilities and his season long fantasy acumen entering the 2020 campaign by some, the early returns seem to be a resounding “Fuck You” to his critics. That said, as I caution every year, as the numbers regress to the mean and we get more variance and injuries in the middle of the season, holding the distinction of #1 for a prolonged amount of time is an extremely difficult task. Yet, with the 1-2 punch of Kamara and Lil Kyler at the helm of Grant’s team, there definitely is still reason for optimism that he can at least maintain a firm grip on the upper echelon tier of the power rankings. Only time will tell, however. My prediction though? We are going to have so many managers sitting on the pole of the power rankings that Brazzers will be calling to make the power rankings their newest addition to their roster of “talented” models.
2. tborgs4 1-1; Power Score: 8.75
Just barely making it into the #2 slot is Tyler, our first real surprise of the power rankings due to his 1-1 record. Nonetheless the computers have loved Tyler’s performances in the first few weeks of play, and after a down year in which he blew his chances of making the playoffs and defending his 2018 title last year, he rides high into 2020 with a very promising start. Even though he only has a single win to show for thus far, his points per game average through two weeks of 170.65 (2nd in the league to Grant’s 178.35) is nothing to scoff at. This is not to mention he also shares the same sparkling league record of 15-3 with Grant, and he has undoubtedly been one of the best teams in the league in the early goings of his campaign. Known for his up and down play and close games, the question becomes can he shake the funk of 2019 and be more consistent? I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. He finished second in points scored last year but still went under .500, so the jury is still out. What I do know is, if Tyler wants a little boost this year, throwing a tad more T Sizzle on the ole Spotify playlist definitely can’t be a bad thing. Just a thought.
3. DanielWest 2-0; Power Score: 8.7
Falling into the #3 hole by a nose is our main man Daniel-San and his unorthodox fantasy roster of stud TEs and rookie RBs. An interesting little nugget that some of you may not have realized is that dating back to Week 11 of 2019, Daniel is undefeated over the course of his last 5 regular seasons games. Yes, you just read that correctly. The formerly tormented Fantasy manager has quietly put together a rather impressive stretch of Fantasy play and has catapulted himself up near the top of the standings and the power rankings to start the new year. Right on cue however, 1st overall pick and ultimate fantasy stallion, C Mac, capitulated himself to the dreaded Daniel Injury Curse and will miss extended time. Unfortunately, D-Man once again has to suffer through many more sleepless nights, waking up in cold sweats, and screaming to the Fantasy Gods, “Why Me!?” I have to be brutally honest here though, we all could see this one coming from a mile away. While he is still 2-0 after escaping with a win against the lifeless corpse of a team that Trevor inexplicably decided to roll out last week, Daniel has his work cut out for him if he wants to remain in the conversation for the playoffs. Kudos to you on the great start my man, but the staff has officially panic sold all of our Daniel stock we so emphatically bought up last week. Go figures. Anyhow, for more on Daniel’s team we are going to kick it out live to the picturesque beauty of a woman, Erin Andrews, who has spent all week with Daniel’s team as they prepare to take on DW. Erin, how is his team holding up after being devastated by injuries last week?
“Not well.”
Thanks again, Erin. We appreciate the consummate professionalism week in and week out with the inside knowledge that only you know how to provide. Until next week, keep that sexy ass of yours in shape!
4. AlexAshak 1-1; Power Score: 7.0
Sliding in safely at the #4 slot is our league commish, Alex, after a huge Week 2 victory over his brother to reclaim the belt of Best Fantasy Ashak Brother. Following his tragic late season collapse and coming one step short of reaching the top of the Fantasy mountain last season, Alex seems to have re-energized himself with new found edge and grittiness for 2020. His 4th best League Record (9-9) and his 4th most points scored (317.1) are nothing to write home about, and he is going to have to drastically improve the sit start/decisions (minus the Jonnu decision) as he has left a league worst 71.1 possible points on his bench over the first two weeks. However, he seems to have found a gem in second round pick Aaron Jones to pair with his trusty steed, Zeke, to arguably make him the manager rocking the best RB combo in the league. All signs seem to be pointing up right now and we have to assume he is primed to make another run this season for the coveted league title. But we all know what happens when you assume…
5. Jressa 1-1; Power Score: 6.95
As we turn to yours truly, rolling on in at dead middle of the power rankings, I have to say I am feeling pretty good about my team, even after the dismal performance of Week 1. The Jekyll and Hyde nature of my team, going from worst scoring team to second highest scoring team in Week 2, undeniably has me concerned that I may be trying to evade the vicious bear hold of Madame Inconsistency throughout this season. However, after a big turn in the positive direction last week, I feel I have righted the ship with some saavy roster maneuvering by trading away the blood sucking life force that was Joe Mixon and turning him into the very solid Chris Carson. On top of that, my sit/start decisions have been stellar, as I lead the league with only 24.7 points left on the bench so far through two games. If I am being honest, I can’t expect to sustain that kind of pace throughout the season, but I can’t help but get excited knowing that my 4th round pick and WR1 (Kenny Golloday) is making his debut this week, adding even more reinforcements to arrive just in time to start making my move. Still, I can’t get ahead of myself at this point, as I have yet to really face a tough match up, and I know it is coming sooner rather than later. We refuse to look ahead and are taking it one game at a time… As Belichik would say, “We’re on to Tyler”.
6. Tspires 1-1; Power Score: 6.8
Moving along to the #6 spot of the power rankings, we have Trevor and his bottomless well of Fantasy Fortune that he somehow can tap into year after year. To start this season, it seems like the well is open for business again as Trevor jumped out to a 1-1 record while being 7th in the league in Points Against (292.95). Nonetheless, his 169.65 points he scored in Week 1 was admittedly a strong showing but failing to capitalize on Daniel’s down week in his last match up was very disconcerting to the staff. If Trevor can’t get out of his own way this season, even with an abundance of luck, it may not be enough for him to keep his streak alive of finishing near the top of the standings. As is the case every year, until further notice, we are going to just pencil Trevor in to be right there when playoff time comes rolling around. Is the jinx in you ask? I’ll never say…
7. Jweverstad 1-1; Power Score: 6.1
As we make our way down the rankings, at the #7 position is the mangy grangy manager himself, Jared. After his 2019 hiatus, Jared has big dreams of taking the league by storm in 2020 and making a triumphant return to the league by snatching Fantasy Glory. The staff admits it would be a cool story. The dirty little secret, however, is that through two weeks, Jared has failed to provide any indication he has a roster capable of accomplishing this feat. Even though he is 1-1, Jared is going to need a sizable boost in his 7th most amount of points scored, and a marked improvement on his awful 6-12 League Record (3rd worst in the league) if he is going to have any chance of reaching his ultimate goal. For now he is relegated near the bottom of the power rankings, still very much gripping firmly to the hope that his Fantasy head-movie won’t make his eyes rain in sadness, as he tells us all, “I g-g-got a goo-goo-good teammm.” I think you’ve got a fine team, Jared!
8. KartierKyle 1-1; Power Score: 6.0
New year, but same old Kyle. While we continue our descent down the power rankings, hiding away comfortably in a remarkably familiar location is Kyle, sitting at #8. Each year I think things might change and we could finally have a chance to heap some positive praise on the off criticized manager, but Kyle just keeps showing up with the mind bottling decisions like the ladies of the night who just keep showing up to the streets each evening looking to make a quick buck to satisfy their drug addictions. Just like the those same “escorts” who keep telling themselves their going to quit, we all know it’s not going to happen, and we all know Kyle will continue to baffle us as the year goes on. Now, I would be remissed not to at least acknowledge that he is 1-1 and has just as good of a shot as any in the league to make a championship run based on record alone, then again, who are we kidding? He pulled out some luck in Week 1, but the staff is worried his Week 2 performance is more in line of what is to come when he could only eek out a horridly miniscule 119.9 points, which stands as the lowest output of any team so far this season. You hate to see it, but Kyle’s gonna’ Kyle. It’s what he does.
9. DWwarner 0-2; Power Score: 3.45
Almost reaching the bottom of the power rankings, we shift to the #9 spot and discover DW reeling from back to back horrid weeks of play and now trying to navigate the season without his first round pick, Saquon Barkley. For how great his start to the 2019 year was with his epic scoring binge unlike anything our league has seen, the start to this season has been almost equally as bad. Don’t take my word for it, I’ll let the numbers do the talking:
- 5-13 League Record, tied for worst in the league
- 270.05 Points For, good for second worst in the league
- 55.2 points left on his bench, which is the 4th most in the league
Thank you, numbers. Now finish you coloring book and go to bed.
Anyway, we aren’t trying to dismiss the fact he was handicapped by some terrible injury luck, but the staff can’t help but point out DW did himself no favors by electing to take Lamar in the second round of the draft in lieu of another RB and now he faces the unenviable challenge of attempting to replace his stud horse through waivers. Things are definitely looking bleak for the past champion, and it remains to be seen if he can dig himself out of an 0-2 hole. I mean, the year he won the championship he did start 1-5, so he’s got that going for him. Still, banking on lightning to strike twice is not typically a strategy that pays off. It’s kind of like stealing the mic from our girl T Siz while she’s trying to make an acceptance speech for “Best Female Video” at the VMA’s. It might sound like it will turn out okay in the moment. Though, all you’re going to do is make the ultimate legend, Talyor Swift, an even more lethal singer and songwriter whilst you stoop into mental illness and become the laughing stock of millions as you try to run for president. Hopefully it turns out better for DW.
10. Kshak 0-2; Power Score: 3.3
It’s been a tough two weeks to start Kevin’s 2020 campaign and saying he has been pretty bad so far is understating the bottom line similar to saying Nathan Peterman is just a “pretty bad” QB. That’s right, he has two piss poor performances to his name so far, and the stench of the steaming pile of dog shit that his fantasy team is emanating grows more foul by the week. Kevin must now grapple with the fact it could get a whole lot worse before it gets any better. I get it though, Kev is the ultimate optimist and blindly thinks his team is amazing regardless of things like facts or statistics. Here are some hard hitting ones for you though. Through just two weeks Kevin has the 3rd least amount of Points For (278.3), and is tied for the worst League Record at 5-13. I’m going to venture to say that this isn’t what the reigning champion envisioned unfolding in the first few weeks of play, but here we stand. So, to all my league members out there, grab the popcorn and pop a squat. It’s going to be high drama watching either the grisly demise of Kevin’s team as they crash and burn in a tremendous blaze of disappointment, or he rises like a Phoenix from the ashes and somehow miraculously turns his season around en route to the playoffs. Smart money is on the former in our humble opinion though.
Welp, that’ll do it for this week’s edition of the Passionate Playback. We apologize to all the managers who were caught in the cross hairs of the staff’s almighty pen of truth and subjected to some rather harsh critiques in the Power Rankings. We do it out of respect for the sanctity of Fantasy Football. As I always I remind you each year, whether you agree with the Power Rankings or not, we don’t really give a shit. You can always devise an intricate formula, create an elaborate excel spreadsheet, spend countless hours creating a website, and post your own power rankings. We can’t guarantee we will read it, or even acknowledge its existence. But hey, the opportunity is there. Until next week, good luck to my fellow league members going into battle on the virtual gridiron this Sunday. The way this season has started out… You’re going to need it. Tood-loo mutha fuckas!
10. Kshak 0-2; Power Score: 3.3
It’s been a tough two weeks to start Kevin’s 2020 campaign and saying he has been pretty bad so far is understating the bottom line similar to saying Nathan Peterman is just a “pretty bad” QB. That’s right, he has two piss poor performances to his name so far, and the stench of the steaming pile of dog shit that his fantasy team is emanating grows more foul by the week. Kevin must now grapple with the fact it could get a whole lot worse before it gets any better. I get it though, Kev is the ultimate optimist and blindly thinks his team is amazing regardless of things like facts or statistics. Here are some hard hitting ones for you though. Through just two weeks Kevin has the 3rd least amount of Points For (278.3), and is tied for the worst League Record at 5-13. I’m going to venture to say that this isn’t what the reigning champion envisioned unfolding in the first few weeks of play, but here we stand. So, to all my league members out there, grab the popcorn and pop a squat. It’s going to be high drama watching either the grisly demise of Kevin’s team as they crash and burn in a tremendous blaze of disappointment, or he rises like a Phoenix from the ashes and somehow miraculously turns his season around en route to the playoffs. Smart money is on the former in our humble opinion though.
Welp, that’ll do it for this week’s edition of the Passionate Playback. We apologize to all the managers who were caught in the cross hairs of the staff’s almighty pen of truth and subjected to some rather harsh critiques in the Power Rankings. We do it out of respect for the sanctity of Fantasy Football. As I always I remind you each year, whether you agree with the Power Rankings or not, we don’t really give a shit. You can always devise an intricate formula, create an elaborate excel spreadsheet, spend countless hours creating a website, and post your own power rankings. We can’t guarantee we will read it, or even acknowledge its existence. But hey, the opportunity is there. Until next week, good luck to my fellow league members going into battle on the virtual gridiron this Sunday. The way this season has started out… You’re going to need it. Tood-loo mutha fuckas!
