Week 4
Passionate Playback: Week 4
What is up you fine gents!? Another week of some crazy Fantasy action is the books and again we trudge on fearlessly in this Covid filled season, trying to navigate a most unorthodox year of Fantasy. Listen guys, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Yes, the unpredictability and the uncertainty is starting to slowly but surely seep through and settle in, crusting over into our Fantasy Consciousness like the semen laced bed sheets of Alex after watching Aaron Jones and Zeke jump out to top 5 Fantasy starts. It’s only natural. But, my highly trained staff (of just me) is specially trained to handle situations like this. While we have never had to make an unprecedented decision like this before, this week, we once more are showing up and emphatically breaking the glass casing surrounding the Emergency T Swift Reserves. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We’ve seen the early signs of divisiveness amongst our ranks, as evidenced by Jared’s unwarranted lashing out on the league message board minutes before last week’s kickoff, and it is understandable that many more of you remain on edge. We can feel the fabric of the league’s cohesiveness slipping by the week, and our greatest fear is that if we fail to take this threat of Fantasy confusion lightly, the very future of a league that used to stand united in the face of extreme adversity could forever be in jeopardy. Thus, out of an “abundance of caution” we are upping each of your daily regimented dosages of T Sizzle all the way up to 10 songs every 12 hours. On top of that, while the scientists in reality continue to try to develop a vaccine for Coronavirus, the research and development division of my staff did make a break through early this week in an FDA approved vaccine for ailing you weak minded fantasy degenerates of the dreaded virus of doubt and pessimism that is taking over our league. 7 out of 10 research subjects who ingested our carefully concocted blend of spicy hot takes, nonsensical metaphors, outrageous analysis in a specially produced cocktail of unadulterated medical grade Power Rankings, have all made a 100% recovery to full Fantasy Excitement (Don’t ask us about the other three…) Thus, don’t think about it, toss back the that dixie cup I just filled up to the brim for you, hit the play button on the Swifinator’s greatest hits, and just let the magic of this week’s Passionate Playback do the trick. It’s on to Week 5!!
Awards:
Will Hunting Smartest Call of the Week – Jared picks up and starts Chiefs D; scores 22 in victory
I will be the first to admit it is hard to heap praise on the oft triggered manager who seems to covet Nyheim Hines and criticizing the way the league is run more than improving his own roster. That said, after getting the dumbest call of the week last week after streaming the terrible Titans D and failing miserably in defeat, he redeemed himself nicely with a Fantasy stream from the top shelf. With Cam out, it was an extremely smart move by Mr. Angry Man to pivot to the underrated Chiefs D with the extremely favorable matchup. As expected, Jared was rewarded handsomely when the Chiefs delivered him a clutch 22 point performance, good for the best ranked defense of the week and sealing Week 4 victory. Nice play indeed. So this is a Harvard bar? I thought there would be equations and shit on the wall…
Dr. Rick Marshall Best “Fuck You” Performance of the Week – Jarvis Landry throws touchdown to Odell who was on Kevin’s bench, Daniel wins big over Kev
Okay, so we are expanding the definition of this award a little bit this week because we couldn’t let this one slide. In a full desperation play, Kevin decided to bench his third-round pick in Week 4, opting to roll with Keenan Allen, Stefon Diggs, and Julio Jones in lieu of Odell. Julio was a game time decision mind you and was likely going to be hobbled upon return from injury. It didn’t matter. Kevin needed a victory in the worst way and decided to roll the dice. On the other side, Daniel started Jarvis Landry, Odell’s teammate who only caught 5 balls for 48 yards. A pretty meh game if you ask us. Odell just went out and scored 3 TD’s including 80 yards receiving and 78 yards rushing. A true game for the ages. Oh and I forgot, one of those touchdowns came on the receiving end of a Jarvis Landry 47 yard bomb… Yeah, it was the perfect bit of irony that was the cherry on top of the “Fuck You” Daniel lobbed to Kevin as he was watching powerlessly while Odell went scorched earth on the Cowboys D… Well done. You just gave murderous primitives the power of fire.
Power Rankings:
The Contenders
1. KenUDigit 3-1; Power Score 9.5
2. AlexAshak 3-1; Power Score: 8.7
3. DanielWest 4-0; Power Score: 8.3
4. Tborgs 3-1; Power Score: 8.15
As you can see, at the top of the rankings, a clear delineation has been made by the top four teams in the league through the first 4 weeks of the season. Each of the top four managers have an extremely strong case that playoffs are going to be in their future, maybe none more than Grant who is averaging over 172 points per game and has been the most consistent in doing so with his astonishing 30-6 League Record. Last week was the only week he didn’t score over 170 points and he still put up 159, which was 3rd most points scored in Week 4. He has been the most consistent team week in and week out so far, and therefore he still holds on to the top spot of the rankings.
That all said, I don’t think I need to tell you all that the commish’s team has easily been the most dominant and has emerged as maybe the favorite to take the crown and is riding up the rear of Grant on the power rankings worse than Kevin rocking a pair of cutoff “Daisy Duke” jean shorts. Over the last 3 weeks Alex is averaging an absolutely white hot 187.45 points per game, capped by his 213 point performance in Week 4. It has been breathtaking to behold the never ending onslaught of points he has produced the last three weeks, and after last week he even became only the second manager in league history to take home a “Super Quad” by being the highest scoring manager, playing the most optimal lineup, outscoring his projection by the most, and winning the biggest blowout (I was first to achieve this feat in Week 3 of 2019). Oh… and here is one last mind fuck for you: Through 4 games, Alex has eclipsed 700 points scored, which is higher than DW’s epic 2019 scoring pace. Unbelievable and frightening all at the same time. For the sake of us all, hopefully his season takes a turn much in the same way DW’s did last year.
Turning to our last two contenders, both Daniel and Tyler have performed valiantly, but minor question marks still remain for both managers. Daniel has been gifted the easiest schedule so far with a combined opponent record of 5-11 and this week goes against the woeful squad of Kyle’s and should likely be able to stay undefeated and keep his 7 game regular season win streak alive. However, as I am sure he knows, if he is going to keep pace with Grant and Alex’s juggernaut teams, he is going to have to hope he can get more consistent efforts in the points department as he is slated to face me, Grant, and Alex in Weeks 6-8 respectively. It’s much the same story for Tyler too, but he might have a much easier go of it as he will take on Kevin, Trevor, and DW in 3 of the next 4 weeks. It will be interesting to see, but Tyler has a prime opportunity ahead to take a strangle hold to a spot at the top of the standings if he can keep up his current pace of very good fantasy play.
Dark Horses
5. jressa 2-2; Power Score: 5.8
6. Jweverstad 2-2; Power Score: 5.55
7. Tspires 2-2; Power Score: 5.4
Riding into the middle of the pack on our horses so dark is me, Jared, and Trevor with our middle tier rosters, but still hanging on by a thread that there is still hope for a run to the playoffs. While I have been the most fortunate from a weekly perspective by only having 584 points scored against me, I have the highest amount of points scored of us three with 615.4 points scored in total. The problem is my bipolar ass team can’t decide if it is good or not. In Weeks 2 and 4, I averaged 174.25 points, which resulted in victories in both of the games. Weeks 1 and 3 you ask? That would be a horrendous 133.45 points, which of course were both losses. Yeah, I don’t know what it means either. I did decide to re-enter my entire team into the mental health rehab clinic I used last year, and ran them through a few MDMA assisted therapy sessions, so there’s that. Will it rid my team of their brutal case of inconsistency plaguing me every other week? (*Nervous smile*) Sure… I guess?
When it comes to Jared and Trevor, there are more question marks for these two managers than Taylor Swift Grammy awards… And by that I mean a lot. Jared’s roster hasn’t been all that great as he only broke 145 points in one game this year, funny enough it was in his loss in the “Stat Correction” game to Trevor himself. On top of that, he has had some of the worst injury luck in the league with Michael Thomas and Austin Ekeler, two of his top 3 picks, going down in the early going. Once he is at full strength can he make a run in the second half in the playoffs? It’s definitely in the cards for sure, but if he digs too big of a hole early, it may be too little too late. But what am I talking about, he has the ultimate Fantasy stud and the second coming of Ladainian Tomlinson, Mr. Nyheim Hines on his roster! He will be just fine! Same goes for Trev. He is probably in the basement of an abandoned warehouse as I write this performing his sacrificial ceremonies to the Fantasy Gods. Look out everybody, we’re all doomed!
Teams on Life Support
8. Kshak 0-4; Power Score: 3.5
9. KartierKyle 1-3; Power Score: 3.25
Again, this is when I reach the point of the Power Rankings when I don’t really feel like providing a whole lot of insight, because… well, these are two shitty teams. Right now there really isn’t much reason for hope but in Fantasy, crazier things have happened, so we aren’t ready to pull the plug quite yet. As the great Forrest Gump would put it, “That’s all I have to say, about that.”
Dead on Arrival
10. DWwarner 0-4; Power Score: 3.0
Cue up the Jenny of Oldstones:
We’re calling it right now. DW’s season is officially done. Over. I shit you not, there has not been one single bright spot for the past champion and last year’s highest scoring manager. With hopes high going into his 2020 campaign, and Kameron out of the league, DW decided he would try to honor the notoriously abysmal fantasy manager who was ousted from the league and break his record for producing the worst team the league has ever seen. So far he is well above pace and we will continue to monitor him closely to see if he does in fact take home the belt for shittiest team ever. Anyway, we’re pouring this one out to you, lad, as the camera fades away into the sky as we watch your team’s body lay lifeless in the dirt. I mean, I could always look stupid in a few weeks if they suddenly rise from dead like Jon Snow and make a triumphant run to the playoffs. But at this point, your team is more of a Sam Tarley. Your watch has ended.
Welp, that will do it for this week’s edition of the Passionate Playback. If your on the East Coast, up next is your late local news. We thank you for joining us this week, and look forward to many more exciting matchups this season has to offer. As always, good luck and god speed. Over and out!
What is up you fine gents!? Another week of some crazy Fantasy action is the books and again we trudge on fearlessly in this Covid filled season, trying to navigate a most unorthodox year of Fantasy. Listen guys, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Yes, the unpredictability and the uncertainty is starting to slowly but surely seep through and settle in, crusting over into our Fantasy Consciousness like the semen laced bed sheets of Alex after watching Aaron Jones and Zeke jump out to top 5 Fantasy starts. It’s only natural. But, my highly trained staff (of just me) is specially trained to handle situations like this. While we have never had to make an unprecedented decision like this before, this week, we once more are showing up and emphatically breaking the glass casing surrounding the Emergency T Swift Reserves. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We’ve seen the early signs of divisiveness amongst our ranks, as evidenced by Jared’s unwarranted lashing out on the league message board minutes before last week’s kickoff, and it is understandable that many more of you remain on edge. We can feel the fabric of the league’s cohesiveness slipping by the week, and our greatest fear is that if we fail to take this threat of Fantasy confusion lightly, the very future of a league that used to stand united in the face of extreme adversity could forever be in jeopardy. Thus, out of an “abundance of caution” we are upping each of your daily regimented dosages of T Sizzle all the way up to 10 songs every 12 hours. On top of that, while the scientists in reality continue to try to develop a vaccine for Coronavirus, the research and development division of my staff did make a break through early this week in an FDA approved vaccine for ailing you weak minded fantasy degenerates of the dreaded virus of doubt and pessimism that is taking over our league. 7 out of 10 research subjects who ingested our carefully concocted blend of spicy hot takes, nonsensical metaphors, outrageous analysis in a specially produced cocktail of unadulterated medical grade Power Rankings, have all made a 100% recovery to full Fantasy Excitement (Don’t ask us about the other three…) Thus, don’t think about it, toss back the that dixie cup I just filled up to the brim for you, hit the play button on the Swifinator’s greatest hits, and just let the magic of this week’s Passionate Playback do the trick. It’s on to Week 5!!
Awards:
Will Hunting Smartest Call of the Week – Jared picks up and starts Chiefs D; scores 22 in victory
I will be the first to admit it is hard to heap praise on the oft triggered manager who seems to covet Nyheim Hines and criticizing the way the league is run more than improving his own roster. That said, after getting the dumbest call of the week last week after streaming the terrible Titans D and failing miserably in defeat, he redeemed himself nicely with a Fantasy stream from the top shelf. With Cam out, it was an extremely smart move by Mr. Angry Man to pivot to the underrated Chiefs D with the extremely favorable matchup. As expected, Jared was rewarded handsomely when the Chiefs delivered him a clutch 22 point performance, good for the best ranked defense of the week and sealing Week 4 victory. Nice play indeed. So this is a Harvard bar? I thought there would be equations and shit on the wall…
Dr. Rick Marshall Best “Fuck You” Performance of the Week – Jarvis Landry throws touchdown to Odell who was on Kevin’s bench, Daniel wins big over Kev
Okay, so we are expanding the definition of this award a little bit this week because we couldn’t let this one slide. In a full desperation play, Kevin decided to bench his third-round pick in Week 4, opting to roll with Keenan Allen, Stefon Diggs, and Julio Jones in lieu of Odell. Julio was a game time decision mind you and was likely going to be hobbled upon return from injury. It didn’t matter. Kevin needed a victory in the worst way and decided to roll the dice. On the other side, Daniel started Jarvis Landry, Odell’s teammate who only caught 5 balls for 48 yards. A pretty meh game if you ask us. Odell just went out and scored 3 TD’s including 80 yards receiving and 78 yards rushing. A true game for the ages. Oh and I forgot, one of those touchdowns came on the receiving end of a Jarvis Landry 47 yard bomb… Yeah, it was the perfect bit of irony that was the cherry on top of the “Fuck You” Daniel lobbed to Kevin as he was watching powerlessly while Odell went scorched earth on the Cowboys D… Well done. You just gave murderous primitives the power of fire.
Power Rankings:
The Contenders
1. KenUDigit 3-1; Power Score 9.5
2. AlexAshak 3-1; Power Score: 8.7
3. DanielWest 4-0; Power Score: 8.3
4. Tborgs 3-1; Power Score: 8.15
As you can see, at the top of the rankings, a clear delineation has been made by the top four teams in the league through the first 4 weeks of the season. Each of the top four managers have an extremely strong case that playoffs are going to be in their future, maybe none more than Grant who is averaging over 172 points per game and has been the most consistent in doing so with his astonishing 30-6 League Record. Last week was the only week he didn’t score over 170 points and he still put up 159, which was 3rd most points scored in Week 4. He has been the most consistent team week in and week out so far, and therefore he still holds on to the top spot of the rankings.
That all said, I don’t think I need to tell you all that the commish’s team has easily been the most dominant and has emerged as maybe the favorite to take the crown and is riding up the rear of Grant on the power rankings worse than Kevin rocking a pair of cutoff “Daisy Duke” jean shorts. Over the last 3 weeks Alex is averaging an absolutely white hot 187.45 points per game, capped by his 213 point performance in Week 4. It has been breathtaking to behold the never ending onslaught of points he has produced the last three weeks, and after last week he even became only the second manager in league history to take home a “Super Quad” by being the highest scoring manager, playing the most optimal lineup, outscoring his projection by the most, and winning the biggest blowout (I was first to achieve this feat in Week 3 of 2019). Oh… and here is one last mind fuck for you: Through 4 games, Alex has eclipsed 700 points scored, which is higher than DW’s epic 2019 scoring pace. Unbelievable and frightening all at the same time. For the sake of us all, hopefully his season takes a turn much in the same way DW’s did last year.
Turning to our last two contenders, both Daniel and Tyler have performed valiantly, but minor question marks still remain for both managers. Daniel has been gifted the easiest schedule so far with a combined opponent record of 5-11 and this week goes against the woeful squad of Kyle’s and should likely be able to stay undefeated and keep his 7 game regular season win streak alive. However, as I am sure he knows, if he is going to keep pace with Grant and Alex’s juggernaut teams, he is going to have to hope he can get more consistent efforts in the points department as he is slated to face me, Grant, and Alex in Weeks 6-8 respectively. It’s much the same story for Tyler too, but he might have a much easier go of it as he will take on Kevin, Trevor, and DW in 3 of the next 4 weeks. It will be interesting to see, but Tyler has a prime opportunity ahead to take a strangle hold to a spot at the top of the standings if he can keep up his current pace of very good fantasy play.
Dark Horses
5. jressa 2-2; Power Score: 5.8
6. Jweverstad 2-2; Power Score: 5.55
7. Tspires 2-2; Power Score: 5.4
Riding into the middle of the pack on our horses so dark is me, Jared, and Trevor with our middle tier rosters, but still hanging on by a thread that there is still hope for a run to the playoffs. While I have been the most fortunate from a weekly perspective by only having 584 points scored against me, I have the highest amount of points scored of us three with 615.4 points scored in total. The problem is my bipolar ass team can’t decide if it is good or not. In Weeks 2 and 4, I averaged 174.25 points, which resulted in victories in both of the games. Weeks 1 and 3 you ask? That would be a horrendous 133.45 points, which of course were both losses. Yeah, I don’t know what it means either. I did decide to re-enter my entire team into the mental health rehab clinic I used last year, and ran them through a few MDMA assisted therapy sessions, so there’s that. Will it rid my team of their brutal case of inconsistency plaguing me every other week? (*Nervous smile*) Sure… I guess?
When it comes to Jared and Trevor, there are more question marks for these two managers than Taylor Swift Grammy awards… And by that I mean a lot. Jared’s roster hasn’t been all that great as he only broke 145 points in one game this year, funny enough it was in his loss in the “Stat Correction” game to Trevor himself. On top of that, he has had some of the worst injury luck in the league with Michael Thomas and Austin Ekeler, two of his top 3 picks, going down in the early going. Once he is at full strength can he make a run in the second half in the playoffs? It’s definitely in the cards for sure, but if he digs too big of a hole early, it may be too little too late. But what am I talking about, he has the ultimate Fantasy stud and the second coming of Ladainian Tomlinson, Mr. Nyheim Hines on his roster! He will be just fine! Same goes for Trev. He is probably in the basement of an abandoned warehouse as I write this performing his sacrificial ceremonies to the Fantasy Gods. Look out everybody, we’re all doomed!
Teams on Life Support
8. Kshak 0-4; Power Score: 3.5
9. KartierKyle 1-3; Power Score: 3.25
Again, this is when I reach the point of the Power Rankings when I don’t really feel like providing a whole lot of insight, because… well, these are two shitty teams. Right now there really isn’t much reason for hope but in Fantasy, crazier things have happened, so we aren’t ready to pull the plug quite yet. As the great Forrest Gump would put it, “That’s all I have to say, about that.”
Dead on Arrival
10. DWwarner 0-4; Power Score: 3.0
Cue up the Jenny of Oldstones:
We’re calling it right now. DW’s season is officially done. Over. I shit you not, there has not been one single bright spot for the past champion and last year’s highest scoring manager. With hopes high going into his 2020 campaign, and Kameron out of the league, DW decided he would try to honor the notoriously abysmal fantasy manager who was ousted from the league and break his record for producing the worst team the league has ever seen. So far he is well above pace and we will continue to monitor him closely to see if he does in fact take home the belt for shittiest team ever. Anyway, we’re pouring this one out to you, lad, as the camera fades away into the sky as we watch your team’s body lay lifeless in the dirt. I mean, I could always look stupid in a few weeks if they suddenly rise from dead like Jon Snow and make a triumphant run to the playoffs. But at this point, your team is more of a Sam Tarley. Your watch has ended.
Welp, that will do it for this week’s edition of the Passionate Playback. If your on the East Coast, up next is your late local news. We thank you for joining us this week, and look forward to many more exciting matchups this season has to offer. As always, good luck and god speed. Over and out!
