Week 4
Passionate Playback
Ohhhhh Lawwwd!! Another week has zoomed right on by us faster than Jared can fire up the Sleeper App message boards to express his ever-growing list of grievances, and boy, it was another crazy one to say the least. As we remain steadfast in our trek through the madness of another Fantasy Season like the nervous, jittery contestants on Squid Game attempting to win a child’s game to avoid being murdered in cold blood, Fantasy Football has become the personification of an emotionless guardsman, clad in the infamous hot pink jumpsuit, ready to whip out a pistol and place one right between our eyes without a hint of mercy. The inescapable anxiety felt on a weekly basis that this game cruelly induces for us, the ones who dare brave the unpredictability and uncertainty in search of besting our friends in the endless fight for Fantasy Superiority, continues to scrape away any remnants of our already infinitesimally small ego we have left. As the injuries and tough defeats start to pile up, while more and more of our top draft picks start to officially take on the dreaded label of “bust”, we can feel the tensions seeping into the conscientious vanguard of our fragile psyche’s like a faulty septic tank allowing dangerous levels of toxicity to slowly pollute the minds of our league. This has all been demonstrated by it finally boiling up to the surface this week, spilling over into the league message boards with some extra fiery shit talk, effortlessly being tossed about by a few managers more easily than T-Sweezy pumps out those ultra-platinum chart topping break-up songs. Nevertheless, my friends, as we somehow find a way to do time and time again, the staff (of just me) just showed up again, and we have been in the lab all week formulating a groundbreaking and innovative Passionate Playback that has proven over 95% effective in curing this virus of Fantasy Rage spreading through our league like syphilis at a pony play convention. Luckily, the side effects of anal bleeding and gang green ball sack syndrome were only seen in a “minimal” amount of trial subjects. So, even though some of you may disagree with this decision, with the guidance of leading industry professionals, as president of the staff, we are instituting a league wide mandate that you all must be fully injected with our nonsensical takes, crazy rants, and whimsical metaphors from the Passionate Playback, directly into your dick holes in a modest 17 dose regiment. We want to make it abundantly clear that we did not take this decision lightly. In lieu of recent events we felt it was an absolute necessity in order maintain the Fantasy Readiness of all league members as your well being and safety is our top priority for the staff. So, calmly walk into the brightly lit all white surgical room that has T Siz playing on loop in the background, drop your drawers, and try not scream in agony while the doctor in a hazmat suit pulls out the nine-inch long needle. It’s on to Week 5 fellas! (*laughs maniacally*) Mwuahahahahaha!!!
Headlines:
Big Kev finally gets off the schneid by knocking off the previously undefeated Carl in colossal upset
Well, it happened. It only took four weeks, but Kevin can now proudly say he isn’t the last team to claim a W, as he was dangerously close to accomplishing that especially fitting feat of terribleness for the second season in a row (that dishonorable distinction now goes to the other Kevin in the league, KP). Coming into this Week 3 tilt, there wasn’t really a lot of hope for Kev, as he had been far and away the worst performing manager, while Carl was undefeated and performing at a high level. However, as our old pal Berman would say, “That’s why they play the games”. So, I guess it’s just how this shit goes sometimes. While Kevin’s team gave a very solid and balanced 157.4 point effort, with 7 of his 9 starting spots posting 13 plus points, when the final whistle sounded on the week, Carl was left scrounging for extra quarters to take his shit covered sheets to the laundromat after pooping his bed with a steaming hot diarrhea like 106.15 points total on the week. Carl only received 14 points or better from three of his starters, including an abysmal 13.75 from Father Tom and a microscopic 6.3 from his TE stallion, Travis Kelce. For Carl, this could be a minor blip on his journey to the Playoffs while continuing his very excellent play to date. On the other hand, while everything was coming up roses for the Newbie Manager, he has yet to face any adversity, and there were some concerning prognosticators we outlined only a week ago. Hence, it will be interesting to see how he fares now moving forward after laying a Texas sized egg in an embarrassing defeat. As for Kev, this win constituted a much needed fully charged ICD shock to his formerly unconscious team flatlining on the heart monitor through the first quarter of the season. However, now that he has been revived and is still only a game out of the playoffs, the question becomes if this one single win means anything and warrant’s a cocky rebuttal to a very funny joke I made on the message board? I think we all know the answer that one, Kev…
Daniel goes streaking… Also claims his third win in a row (boom) by topping the winless KP
Dan the man is back at it again, folks. At this point, we are getting more and more substantial proof that his playoff run from last year wasn’t a fluke with his hot start to his 2021 campaign. There were some early questions following a brutal Week 1 performance, but Daniel-San promptly rung off three straight wins, capped off with an impressive dismantling of KP in yet another Monday Night Comeback, scoring his season high of 161.9 points. Lead by his two RBs and the ever reliable Rodgers, Dan was throwing up discount double checks all Sunday afternoon, finished off by some late night Walrus grunts when Waller closed out of KP with a handy 15 points en route to a spot in the top three of the standings. As for KP though, well his team has officially been checked into the Battered Women’s Shelter after being the unwary victim of being fucked over again by the Fantasy Gods. Even though he netted over 150 points for the second time this year, he lost another heartbreaker. Just some of the most awful luck we have seen in this league in a long time. Without a single win to show for his actually rather solid play thus far, with the expanded playoffs this season, there is still hope for our other Newbie Manager. Nothing a few MDMA assisted therapy sessions can’t fix, my guy. Can of corn… Can of corn and you’ll be fine.
Awards:
Will Hunting Smartest Call of the Week – Daniel benching Panthers for Bears' D
You know the staff here is a sucker for an excellent streamer play, and it doesn’t get a whole lot better than this one. Daniel had been sporting the Panthers’ D for a few weeks, who were performing valiantly, but he smartly audibled to the Bears when the matchup for the Panthers was less than favorable. It may not have been the most difficult call in the world, but choosing a serviceable defense and ditching a previously top-rated defense that has been very good for him was still nothing to scoff at. Hence, we must give Daniel his props, as the move worked out handsomely for the young man who needed every bit of those 13 points after only edging KP by just a tad over 10. That means if he would have pulled a Kevin, and just blindly rode his hot defense without paying attention to matchups (which wound up with a horrid -3 points) he would’ve been on the losing end of a 1-point game. Just fantastic fantasy management from Daniel. My boy's wicked Smaaaht!
Rod Kimble Biggest Disappointment of the Week – Carl losing to Kevin’s hapless team
Man o’ man, it was a bad week for the Car. It almost seemed too easy, as Big Kev seemingly was under handing this one up for Carl with his poorly constructed roster, and total lack of roster management by not even bidding for his star RB’s backup (Yeah, I’m still on that, Kevin!! Look at Daniel. He went out and bid a fortune for Montgomery’s backup. That is how you manage a team, dude! What are you saving your FAAB for anyway? I don’t think the upcoming Taylor Swift Tour will accept it as a valid currency for purchasing a backstage pass… Last time I checked at least. Wait… do you know something I don’t? Hold on… *Calls Ticketmaster* Goddamnit! They definitely DO NOT accept FAAB for payment. Ugh! I don’t get anything you do, man). Regardless, Carl didn’t even really make it a contest after he barely squeaked over the 105-point threshold, while Kevin magically notched the third highest point total of the week. For that, Carl is this week’s biggest disappointment like a classic big ass stunt from Rod. Go figure. The front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day.
Dominic Toretto Ballsiest Call of the Week – Tyler for benching Saquon
Welp, I guess Tyler took Dom’s old mantra to heart this week and really went full “living his life a quarter mile at a time” with this one. Even though Saquon showed signs of life in Week 3, the former league champion opted to make one of the gutsiest decisions we’ve seen in a while and bench his second-round pick for late round draft choice, Jakobi Meyers. This one went against all conventional fantasy wisdom as Meyers was on the anemic passing offense of the Patriots and Saquon, one of the most talented runners in the league, was starting to regain his dominant form from a few years past. Why he made this call, we will never know, but while he was white knuckling a possible major blunder that Sunday, especially after Saquon went off for nearly 30, he still wound up as the week’s highest scoring team due to Meyers faring quite well and putting up a respectable 17 points. There’s a fine line between stupidity and ballsiness, and when you can manage to straddle that line to perfection, sometimes the Fantasy Gods reward you. Good job by you, Tyler. You've got balls man. I've been told.
Rudy Reuttiger Biggest Upset of the Week – Kevin beating Carl
*Heavy Sighs* Welp. Have to give credit where credit is due. We had the last place team in the league going up against the first place team, and Kevin somehow managed to come out on top. If that isn’t the definition of a huge upset I don’t know what is. This was our league’s version of Appalachian State beating Michigan. No one saw this coming except maybe Kevin. I’m not even sure he thought he could win. Needless to say, as much as this pains me deeply (and it really really does), Kev has to get the commendation for his big time win. Sometimes, a winner is dreamer who just won’t quit.
Power Rankings:
Because we have some new guys in the league, I realized I should probably re-explain the power rankings again. I’ve copy and pasted a full explanation from the 2019 Week 5 Passionate Playback below, where I think I explain it pretty good. Also, you can find the spreadsheet that has the full statistical breakdown here.
"Now these aren’t your every-day-normal-guy power rankings we are talking about here people. We are talking about a revolutionary way to evaluate team and manager performance through statistical analysis with a fancy statistic I so aptly named Power Score. Basically I took six categories (Record, League Record, Opponent Record, Coach Performance, Points For, and Points Against) and ranked each team in every category up through the current week. The categories of “Record”, “Opponent Record”, “Points for”, and “Points Against” are exactly that, your record, combined record of opponents faced, the total amount of points scored, and the points scored against, respectively. The category of “League Record” is your record if you played every team every week. So if you were the highest scoring team one week you were 9-0, if you were the second highest scoring team you were 8-1, and so on. Lastly, the category of “Coach Performance” is the amount of points you left on the bench by not playing your most optimal lineup. After ranking each team in all five categories, based on that rank, you get points. 10 for first, 9 for second, 8 for third, and so on. Then I weighted out each category to emphasize the more important ones (40% for record, 20% for League Record, 15% for coach performance, 10% for points for, 10% for Points Against, and 5% for Opponent Record) before adding them all up to get your Power Score. Additionally, if your statistical dominance in one category is so great that you fall one standard deviation above the mean, then you will be awarded an extra half point bonus. On the flip side, statistically awful numbers may net you a half point reduction in a category if you fall at least on standard deviation from the mean in the wrong direction. Make sense? Good.”
The Early Frontrunners:
1. jressa 3-1; Power Score: 9.15
2. DanielWest 3-1; Power Score: 8.8
3. Cholgerson34 3-1; Power Score: 8.65
I don’t think there really is any shock here with how the top of the power rankings shook out this week. Your personal rankings may have these three teams in a different order, but I think we should have a consensus, that through the first quarter of the season, myself, Carl, and Daniel have in fact been the three best teams in the league. Looking first at Carl, he falls into the number three hole a week after claiming the top spot in the first rankings. That will happen when your team suffers a brutal throat fucking to the league’s worst ranked team. Still, if you take the totality of his season, he finds himself holding on to one of the two first round bye spots in the standings in large part due to his 3rd most Points For (594.99) and his league leading Coach Performance (54.41 points left on the bench). With the blockbuster trade he made with Jared, Carl’s eyes are still set on building upon his strong start, and quickly flushing down the stinker from last week without trying to think too much about it. Much in the same way you might do the same the morning after single handedly downing an entire family sized triple decker nacho plate. Flush and pray, my friend… Just flush and pray.
Turning to Daniel and I, we proudly own the best League Record’s, with 25-11 and 24-12 marks, respectively. However, I continue, with out a doubt, one of the most torrid paces in league history for leaving points on the bench. I mean it’s bad. This could be seen as both a blessing and a curse. While I have an embarrassment of riches at the WR and QB position, leading to my league leading total in points scored (625.05), my RB depth is awful and I am required to constantly make good start/sit decisions every week due to how historically inconsistent top fantasy WRs are. Not an easy task for sure, but so far I can’t complain. As for Daniel, he does have to navigate an untimely injury to David Montgomery, but he has shown steady point increases each week of the season giving him optimism that his team is rounding into form as we head into the middle of the schedule. If everything goes as planned for Dan, by the end of the season we might be asking him what the hell happened that first week, while Daniel replies, “Oh, that little guy? I wouldn’t worry about that little guy.”
Frisky but with question marks:
4. Tborgs4 2-2; Power Score: 6.85
5. AlexAshak 2-2; Power Score: 5.9
As we start to make it to the upper middle class of the power rankings, both Tyler and Alex find themselves in solid positions due to some up and down play. Ultimately, we do believe we should take both teams seriously in the playoff race as Tyler is the second highest scoring team in the league (608.3 points), and Alex has maybe the biggest boom potential, evidenced by him nearly hitting 200 points in Week 3. Nonetheless, both teams have been left tending to their wounds on several occasions after being the unlucky recipients of ferocious, rabies infested bites on the ass by our old nemesis, Madame Inconsistency. In Weeks 2 and 4, Tyler averaged over 176 points, while in Weeks 1 and 3, Alex averaged almost an identical tick over 177 points. The other four weeks the two managers failed to break 125 in three of those contests, with Tyler getting to 145 in a Week 3 loss to yours truly. We believe there is something there for both the Commish and the former 2018 belt holder (I know there was no belt back then), but they have work to do if their playoff dreams are to come to fruition.
The Good, Bad Team:
6. KartierKyle 3-1; Power Score: 5.7
I don’t know really where to start with Kyle and his ungodly run of good fortune to begin the year. Taking away his very good 3-1 record, this man has been in the bottom of just about every possible metric we have to measure Fantasy Performance. He is sitting on an appallingly bad League Record of 12-14 (second worst in the league), 544 Points For (second worst as well), and 107.2 points left on his bench (third worst in the league). It probably goes without saying he has by far the least amount of points scored against him at 492.99, which makes him the only manager to not have 500 Points Against in the league. I can’t seem to find a single bright spot in his performance so far and I have to say it has been very Kyle-like through and through. Oh wait, he does have a 3-1 record. So there’s that. God, I hate Fantasy sometimes…
The Enigma:
7. Jweverstad 2-2; Power Score: 5.45
As we move down the rankings, firmly sliding into the number seven position is the embattled manager, Jared, and his laundry list of complaints. Like Kyle, we don’t really have a whole lot of answers on if Jared has the Fantasy Fire Power to shoot up into the upper echelon of teams by season’s end. At 2-2, he is still very much in contention, and I’m sure he isn’t overly disappointed with his accomplishments at this juncture, but as he has made it profusely clear on the message boards, the man is justifiably concerned. In our humble opinion, landing a fantasy stud like Ekeler, even taking into the consideration the cost, was about as good of a haul you can have for a trade in our league. As I pointed out on the message boards, I fall into the school of thought that stacking several players from a high powered offense on one team can be a lethal recipe for fantasy success. However, we do lend credence to the idea that a diversification of teams for your rostered players has its upsides as well. So it will be interesting to say the least to see how he does from here, as it could be an interesting strategy for some of us to employ in future seasons depending on the outcome for him. Whatever you do, Jared, just don’t look at Week 7 when you play me. There may or may not be a few of your players on a bye week. Might complicate your lineup decisions just a bit.
The Bad, Good Team:
8. BigPapaPump92 0-4; Power Score: 4.8
For as good of luck Kyle has had through four weeks, KP’s luck has been equally as bad. There’s always one team that seems to get the long stiff shaft of Fantasy Unluckiness, and my god, it has been egregiously painful to watch the asshole of KP’s team be brutalized by it week after week. The stats are honestly too hilarious to believe at this point. I can’t wrap my head around how this man is still winless. Don’t take it from me, hear it from the stats themselves:
- He is tied for fourth best League Record (19-17) which is the same as Carl and miles better than Kyle… Both of those teams are 3-1
- His 591.15 Points For is less than one point from Daniel and less than five points from Carl…again, both those teams are 3-1
- The 673.5 Points Against for KP is over 46 points clear of Kevin, with second highest Points Against, and almost 200 fucking points clear of Kyle… After Kevin, the next four teams are all within 46 points of Kevin in terms of Points Against
- KP has scored over 150 points in a game twice this season and lost both times… The rest of the league is a combined 12-0 in games where someone hit 150 points.
- The combined record of the opponents KP has faced is 11-5… no one else has played a schedule with an opponent record higher than 9-7
Alright, alright, stats, we get it. Sheesh! You can stop now. It’s becoming overkill at this point. No one even likes you anyway. Now go to bed, stats!
The Teams in Concussion Protocol:
9. Kshak 1-3; Power Score: 4.15
10. KenUDigit 1-3; Power Score: 3.35
As we finally make it to the bottom dwellers of the Power Rankings, it comes with little shock that Big Kev and Grant find themselves making up the ass end of the human centi-league. Now, I don’t need to go too hard on Kevin again, as we have laid it on pretty thick to this point. All you need to know is he has been bad. He won this past week so I guess he’s got that going for him, but yeah, it hasn’t been pretty. However, for Grant, there has been little to nothing to write home about regarding the reigning champion’s title defense so far. We had hope following his magnificent Week 2 Monday Night comeback, but the success was fleeting after he followed it up with back to back clunkers, ending in just a completely horrific showing last week by producing a frighteningly miniscule 93.6 points. Grant now possesses the worst League Record (9-27) and the least amount of Points For (509.15), both of which are giant glaring distress signals that we just can’t ignore. We can’t officially cross his name off the list, or Kevin’s for that matter, for playoff hopefuls, but I’m not sure we can expect either team to come running out of the blue tent any time soon. Doctor, is that bad? Well… it’s definitely not good. But hey, it’s Fantasy Football, so there’s always a chance… I guess?
Stat Corrections
An oldy but a goodie of a segment we used to do, so we thought we would bring it back this week. However, we didn’t really have any true corrections to make per se, but we did have more of a “clarification” if you will. We owe a big shout out to, Tyler, who manually compiled all the data from the last two years and change to provide records of teams playing in games decided by 10 points or less. As we noted last week, we thought Tyler had by far the most games played when the outcome was within 10 points. It was more of a gut feeling based upon how I have been writing about his proclivity to play close games for over 3 years now. Well, from 2019 until now, we in fact were dead on, as Tyler has played in 9 total games decided by 10 or less, which is over 30% of the total games he has played in that span. I was a bit wrong in my assessment that he had lost most of those, as he actually carries a solid 5-4 record in those matchups. The biggest shock though was that it was Kevin, of all teams, in second with eight such games played with a 10 point or less scoring margin. Kevin’s record in those eight games? 1-7. Ouch. Anyway, l linked the full list here if you want to take a gander. Anyway, thanks again, Tyler! This research was absolute gold. Oh, and that reminds me. We did receive your application to join the R&D division of the Passionate Playback Staff. Becky in HR should’ve reached out to you already, but if not we just wanted to let you know there were a lot of great, highly qualified candidates that made our decision very tough. However, we ultimately decided to go another direction. We will keep your application on file though if any further openings come up that we think you may be interested in.
Well, Gents, that is going to be it for us this week. We thank you again for finding the time to stick with us until the end of another 4,000 word banger. I know words are not really some of y'alls strong suit so I included the abbreviated version below.
Ohhhhh Lawwwd!! Another week has zoomed right on by us faster than Jared can fire up the Sleeper App message boards to express his ever-growing list of grievances, and boy, it was another crazy one to say the least. As we remain steadfast in our trek through the madness of another Fantasy Season like the nervous, jittery contestants on Squid Game attempting to win a child’s game to avoid being murdered in cold blood, Fantasy Football has become the personification of an emotionless guardsman, clad in the infamous hot pink jumpsuit, ready to whip out a pistol and place one right between our eyes without a hint of mercy. The inescapable anxiety felt on a weekly basis that this game cruelly induces for us, the ones who dare brave the unpredictability and uncertainty in search of besting our friends in the endless fight for Fantasy Superiority, continues to scrape away any remnants of our already infinitesimally small ego we have left. As the injuries and tough defeats start to pile up, while more and more of our top draft picks start to officially take on the dreaded label of “bust”, we can feel the tensions seeping into the conscientious vanguard of our fragile psyche’s like a faulty septic tank allowing dangerous levels of toxicity to slowly pollute the minds of our league. This has all been demonstrated by it finally boiling up to the surface this week, spilling over into the league message boards with some extra fiery shit talk, effortlessly being tossed about by a few managers more easily than T-Sweezy pumps out those ultra-platinum chart topping break-up songs. Nevertheless, my friends, as we somehow find a way to do time and time again, the staff (of just me) just showed up again, and we have been in the lab all week formulating a groundbreaking and innovative Passionate Playback that has proven over 95% effective in curing this virus of Fantasy Rage spreading through our league like syphilis at a pony play convention. Luckily, the side effects of anal bleeding and gang green ball sack syndrome were only seen in a “minimal” amount of trial subjects. So, even though some of you may disagree with this decision, with the guidance of leading industry professionals, as president of the staff, we are instituting a league wide mandate that you all must be fully injected with our nonsensical takes, crazy rants, and whimsical metaphors from the Passionate Playback, directly into your dick holes in a modest 17 dose regiment. We want to make it abundantly clear that we did not take this decision lightly. In lieu of recent events we felt it was an absolute necessity in order maintain the Fantasy Readiness of all league members as your well being and safety is our top priority for the staff. So, calmly walk into the brightly lit all white surgical room that has T Siz playing on loop in the background, drop your drawers, and try not scream in agony while the doctor in a hazmat suit pulls out the nine-inch long needle. It’s on to Week 5 fellas! (*laughs maniacally*) Mwuahahahahaha!!!
Headlines:
Big Kev finally gets off the schneid by knocking off the previously undefeated Carl in colossal upset
Well, it happened. It only took four weeks, but Kevin can now proudly say he isn’t the last team to claim a W, as he was dangerously close to accomplishing that especially fitting feat of terribleness for the second season in a row (that dishonorable distinction now goes to the other Kevin in the league, KP). Coming into this Week 3 tilt, there wasn’t really a lot of hope for Kev, as he had been far and away the worst performing manager, while Carl was undefeated and performing at a high level. However, as our old pal Berman would say, “That’s why they play the games”. So, I guess it’s just how this shit goes sometimes. While Kevin’s team gave a very solid and balanced 157.4 point effort, with 7 of his 9 starting spots posting 13 plus points, when the final whistle sounded on the week, Carl was left scrounging for extra quarters to take his shit covered sheets to the laundromat after pooping his bed with a steaming hot diarrhea like 106.15 points total on the week. Carl only received 14 points or better from three of his starters, including an abysmal 13.75 from Father Tom and a microscopic 6.3 from his TE stallion, Travis Kelce. For Carl, this could be a minor blip on his journey to the Playoffs while continuing his very excellent play to date. On the other hand, while everything was coming up roses for the Newbie Manager, he has yet to face any adversity, and there were some concerning prognosticators we outlined only a week ago. Hence, it will be interesting to see how he fares now moving forward after laying a Texas sized egg in an embarrassing defeat. As for Kev, this win constituted a much needed fully charged ICD shock to his formerly unconscious team flatlining on the heart monitor through the first quarter of the season. However, now that he has been revived and is still only a game out of the playoffs, the question becomes if this one single win means anything and warrant’s a cocky rebuttal to a very funny joke I made on the message board? I think we all know the answer that one, Kev…
Daniel goes streaking… Also claims his third win in a row (boom) by topping the winless KP
Dan the man is back at it again, folks. At this point, we are getting more and more substantial proof that his playoff run from last year wasn’t a fluke with his hot start to his 2021 campaign. There were some early questions following a brutal Week 1 performance, but Daniel-San promptly rung off three straight wins, capped off with an impressive dismantling of KP in yet another Monday Night Comeback, scoring his season high of 161.9 points. Lead by his two RBs and the ever reliable Rodgers, Dan was throwing up discount double checks all Sunday afternoon, finished off by some late night Walrus grunts when Waller closed out of KP with a handy 15 points en route to a spot in the top three of the standings. As for KP though, well his team has officially been checked into the Battered Women’s Shelter after being the unwary victim of being fucked over again by the Fantasy Gods. Even though he netted over 150 points for the second time this year, he lost another heartbreaker. Just some of the most awful luck we have seen in this league in a long time. Without a single win to show for his actually rather solid play thus far, with the expanded playoffs this season, there is still hope for our other Newbie Manager. Nothing a few MDMA assisted therapy sessions can’t fix, my guy. Can of corn… Can of corn and you’ll be fine.
Awards:
Will Hunting Smartest Call of the Week – Daniel benching Panthers for Bears' D
You know the staff here is a sucker for an excellent streamer play, and it doesn’t get a whole lot better than this one. Daniel had been sporting the Panthers’ D for a few weeks, who were performing valiantly, but he smartly audibled to the Bears when the matchup for the Panthers was less than favorable. It may not have been the most difficult call in the world, but choosing a serviceable defense and ditching a previously top-rated defense that has been very good for him was still nothing to scoff at. Hence, we must give Daniel his props, as the move worked out handsomely for the young man who needed every bit of those 13 points after only edging KP by just a tad over 10. That means if he would have pulled a Kevin, and just blindly rode his hot defense without paying attention to matchups (which wound up with a horrid -3 points) he would’ve been on the losing end of a 1-point game. Just fantastic fantasy management from Daniel. My boy's wicked Smaaaht!
Rod Kimble Biggest Disappointment of the Week – Carl losing to Kevin’s hapless team
Man o’ man, it was a bad week for the Car. It almost seemed too easy, as Big Kev seemingly was under handing this one up for Carl with his poorly constructed roster, and total lack of roster management by not even bidding for his star RB’s backup (Yeah, I’m still on that, Kevin!! Look at Daniel. He went out and bid a fortune for Montgomery’s backup. That is how you manage a team, dude! What are you saving your FAAB for anyway? I don’t think the upcoming Taylor Swift Tour will accept it as a valid currency for purchasing a backstage pass… Last time I checked at least. Wait… do you know something I don’t? Hold on… *Calls Ticketmaster* Goddamnit! They definitely DO NOT accept FAAB for payment. Ugh! I don’t get anything you do, man). Regardless, Carl didn’t even really make it a contest after he barely squeaked over the 105-point threshold, while Kevin magically notched the third highest point total of the week. For that, Carl is this week’s biggest disappointment like a classic big ass stunt from Rod. Go figure. The front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day.
Dominic Toretto Ballsiest Call of the Week – Tyler for benching Saquon
Welp, I guess Tyler took Dom’s old mantra to heart this week and really went full “living his life a quarter mile at a time” with this one. Even though Saquon showed signs of life in Week 3, the former league champion opted to make one of the gutsiest decisions we’ve seen in a while and bench his second-round pick for late round draft choice, Jakobi Meyers. This one went against all conventional fantasy wisdom as Meyers was on the anemic passing offense of the Patriots and Saquon, one of the most talented runners in the league, was starting to regain his dominant form from a few years past. Why he made this call, we will never know, but while he was white knuckling a possible major blunder that Sunday, especially after Saquon went off for nearly 30, he still wound up as the week’s highest scoring team due to Meyers faring quite well and putting up a respectable 17 points. There’s a fine line between stupidity and ballsiness, and when you can manage to straddle that line to perfection, sometimes the Fantasy Gods reward you. Good job by you, Tyler. You've got balls man. I've been told.
Rudy Reuttiger Biggest Upset of the Week – Kevin beating Carl
*Heavy Sighs* Welp. Have to give credit where credit is due. We had the last place team in the league going up against the first place team, and Kevin somehow managed to come out on top. If that isn’t the definition of a huge upset I don’t know what is. This was our league’s version of Appalachian State beating Michigan. No one saw this coming except maybe Kevin. I’m not even sure he thought he could win. Needless to say, as much as this pains me deeply (and it really really does), Kev has to get the commendation for his big time win. Sometimes, a winner is dreamer who just won’t quit.
Power Rankings:
Because we have some new guys in the league, I realized I should probably re-explain the power rankings again. I’ve copy and pasted a full explanation from the 2019 Week 5 Passionate Playback below, where I think I explain it pretty good. Also, you can find the spreadsheet that has the full statistical breakdown here.
"Now these aren’t your every-day-normal-guy power rankings we are talking about here people. We are talking about a revolutionary way to evaluate team and manager performance through statistical analysis with a fancy statistic I so aptly named Power Score. Basically I took six categories (Record, League Record, Opponent Record, Coach Performance, Points For, and Points Against) and ranked each team in every category up through the current week. The categories of “Record”, “Opponent Record”, “Points for”, and “Points Against” are exactly that, your record, combined record of opponents faced, the total amount of points scored, and the points scored against, respectively. The category of “League Record” is your record if you played every team every week. So if you were the highest scoring team one week you were 9-0, if you were the second highest scoring team you were 8-1, and so on. Lastly, the category of “Coach Performance” is the amount of points you left on the bench by not playing your most optimal lineup. After ranking each team in all five categories, based on that rank, you get points. 10 for first, 9 for second, 8 for third, and so on. Then I weighted out each category to emphasize the more important ones (40% for record, 20% for League Record, 15% for coach performance, 10% for points for, 10% for Points Against, and 5% for Opponent Record) before adding them all up to get your Power Score. Additionally, if your statistical dominance in one category is so great that you fall one standard deviation above the mean, then you will be awarded an extra half point bonus. On the flip side, statistically awful numbers may net you a half point reduction in a category if you fall at least on standard deviation from the mean in the wrong direction. Make sense? Good.”
The Early Frontrunners:
1. jressa 3-1; Power Score: 9.15
2. DanielWest 3-1; Power Score: 8.8
3. Cholgerson34 3-1; Power Score: 8.65
I don’t think there really is any shock here with how the top of the power rankings shook out this week. Your personal rankings may have these three teams in a different order, but I think we should have a consensus, that through the first quarter of the season, myself, Carl, and Daniel have in fact been the three best teams in the league. Looking first at Carl, he falls into the number three hole a week after claiming the top spot in the first rankings. That will happen when your team suffers a brutal throat fucking to the league’s worst ranked team. Still, if you take the totality of his season, he finds himself holding on to one of the two first round bye spots in the standings in large part due to his 3rd most Points For (594.99) and his league leading Coach Performance (54.41 points left on the bench). With the blockbuster trade he made with Jared, Carl’s eyes are still set on building upon his strong start, and quickly flushing down the stinker from last week without trying to think too much about it. Much in the same way you might do the same the morning after single handedly downing an entire family sized triple decker nacho plate. Flush and pray, my friend… Just flush and pray.
Turning to Daniel and I, we proudly own the best League Record’s, with 25-11 and 24-12 marks, respectively. However, I continue, with out a doubt, one of the most torrid paces in league history for leaving points on the bench. I mean it’s bad. This could be seen as both a blessing and a curse. While I have an embarrassment of riches at the WR and QB position, leading to my league leading total in points scored (625.05), my RB depth is awful and I am required to constantly make good start/sit decisions every week due to how historically inconsistent top fantasy WRs are. Not an easy task for sure, but so far I can’t complain. As for Daniel, he does have to navigate an untimely injury to David Montgomery, but he has shown steady point increases each week of the season giving him optimism that his team is rounding into form as we head into the middle of the schedule. If everything goes as planned for Dan, by the end of the season we might be asking him what the hell happened that first week, while Daniel replies, “Oh, that little guy? I wouldn’t worry about that little guy.”
Frisky but with question marks:
4. Tborgs4 2-2; Power Score: 6.85
5. AlexAshak 2-2; Power Score: 5.9
As we start to make it to the upper middle class of the power rankings, both Tyler and Alex find themselves in solid positions due to some up and down play. Ultimately, we do believe we should take both teams seriously in the playoff race as Tyler is the second highest scoring team in the league (608.3 points), and Alex has maybe the biggest boom potential, evidenced by him nearly hitting 200 points in Week 3. Nonetheless, both teams have been left tending to their wounds on several occasions after being the unlucky recipients of ferocious, rabies infested bites on the ass by our old nemesis, Madame Inconsistency. In Weeks 2 and 4, Tyler averaged over 176 points, while in Weeks 1 and 3, Alex averaged almost an identical tick over 177 points. The other four weeks the two managers failed to break 125 in three of those contests, with Tyler getting to 145 in a Week 3 loss to yours truly. We believe there is something there for both the Commish and the former 2018 belt holder (I know there was no belt back then), but they have work to do if their playoff dreams are to come to fruition.
The Good, Bad Team:
6. KartierKyle 3-1; Power Score: 5.7
I don’t know really where to start with Kyle and his ungodly run of good fortune to begin the year. Taking away his very good 3-1 record, this man has been in the bottom of just about every possible metric we have to measure Fantasy Performance. He is sitting on an appallingly bad League Record of 12-14 (second worst in the league), 544 Points For (second worst as well), and 107.2 points left on his bench (third worst in the league). It probably goes without saying he has by far the least amount of points scored against him at 492.99, which makes him the only manager to not have 500 Points Against in the league. I can’t seem to find a single bright spot in his performance so far and I have to say it has been very Kyle-like through and through. Oh wait, he does have a 3-1 record. So there’s that. God, I hate Fantasy sometimes…
The Enigma:
7. Jweverstad 2-2; Power Score: 5.45
As we move down the rankings, firmly sliding into the number seven position is the embattled manager, Jared, and his laundry list of complaints. Like Kyle, we don’t really have a whole lot of answers on if Jared has the Fantasy Fire Power to shoot up into the upper echelon of teams by season’s end. At 2-2, he is still very much in contention, and I’m sure he isn’t overly disappointed with his accomplishments at this juncture, but as he has made it profusely clear on the message boards, the man is justifiably concerned. In our humble opinion, landing a fantasy stud like Ekeler, even taking into the consideration the cost, was about as good of a haul you can have for a trade in our league. As I pointed out on the message boards, I fall into the school of thought that stacking several players from a high powered offense on one team can be a lethal recipe for fantasy success. However, we do lend credence to the idea that a diversification of teams for your rostered players has its upsides as well. So it will be interesting to say the least to see how he does from here, as it could be an interesting strategy for some of us to employ in future seasons depending on the outcome for him. Whatever you do, Jared, just don’t look at Week 7 when you play me. There may or may not be a few of your players on a bye week. Might complicate your lineup decisions just a bit.
The Bad, Good Team:
8. BigPapaPump92 0-4; Power Score: 4.8
For as good of luck Kyle has had through four weeks, KP’s luck has been equally as bad. There’s always one team that seems to get the long stiff shaft of Fantasy Unluckiness, and my god, it has been egregiously painful to watch the asshole of KP’s team be brutalized by it week after week. The stats are honestly too hilarious to believe at this point. I can’t wrap my head around how this man is still winless. Don’t take it from me, hear it from the stats themselves:
- He is tied for fourth best League Record (19-17) which is the same as Carl and miles better than Kyle… Both of those teams are 3-1
- His 591.15 Points For is less than one point from Daniel and less than five points from Carl…again, both those teams are 3-1
- The 673.5 Points Against for KP is over 46 points clear of Kevin, with second highest Points Against, and almost 200 fucking points clear of Kyle… After Kevin, the next four teams are all within 46 points of Kevin in terms of Points Against
- KP has scored over 150 points in a game twice this season and lost both times… The rest of the league is a combined 12-0 in games where someone hit 150 points.
- The combined record of the opponents KP has faced is 11-5… no one else has played a schedule with an opponent record higher than 9-7
Alright, alright, stats, we get it. Sheesh! You can stop now. It’s becoming overkill at this point. No one even likes you anyway. Now go to bed, stats!
The Teams in Concussion Protocol:
9. Kshak 1-3; Power Score: 4.15
10. KenUDigit 1-3; Power Score: 3.35
As we finally make it to the bottom dwellers of the Power Rankings, it comes with little shock that Big Kev and Grant find themselves making up the ass end of the human centi-league. Now, I don’t need to go too hard on Kevin again, as we have laid it on pretty thick to this point. All you need to know is he has been bad. He won this past week so I guess he’s got that going for him, but yeah, it hasn’t been pretty. However, for Grant, there has been little to nothing to write home about regarding the reigning champion’s title defense so far. We had hope following his magnificent Week 2 Monday Night comeback, but the success was fleeting after he followed it up with back to back clunkers, ending in just a completely horrific showing last week by producing a frighteningly miniscule 93.6 points. Grant now possesses the worst League Record (9-27) and the least amount of Points For (509.15), both of which are giant glaring distress signals that we just can’t ignore. We can’t officially cross his name off the list, or Kevin’s for that matter, for playoff hopefuls, but I’m not sure we can expect either team to come running out of the blue tent any time soon. Doctor, is that bad? Well… it’s definitely not good. But hey, it’s Fantasy Football, so there’s always a chance… I guess?
Stat Corrections
An oldy but a goodie of a segment we used to do, so we thought we would bring it back this week. However, we didn’t really have any true corrections to make per se, but we did have more of a “clarification” if you will. We owe a big shout out to, Tyler, who manually compiled all the data from the last two years and change to provide records of teams playing in games decided by 10 points or less. As we noted last week, we thought Tyler had by far the most games played when the outcome was within 10 points. It was more of a gut feeling based upon how I have been writing about his proclivity to play close games for over 3 years now. Well, from 2019 until now, we in fact were dead on, as Tyler has played in 9 total games decided by 10 or less, which is over 30% of the total games he has played in that span. I was a bit wrong in my assessment that he had lost most of those, as he actually carries a solid 5-4 record in those matchups. The biggest shock though was that it was Kevin, of all teams, in second with eight such games played with a 10 point or less scoring margin. Kevin’s record in those eight games? 1-7. Ouch. Anyway, l linked the full list here if you want to take a gander. Anyway, thanks again, Tyler! This research was absolute gold. Oh, and that reminds me. We did receive your application to join the R&D division of the Passionate Playback Staff. Becky in HR should’ve reached out to you already, but if not we just wanted to let you know there were a lot of great, highly qualified candidates that made our decision very tough. However, we ultimately decided to go another direction. We will keep your application on file though if any further openings come up that we think you may be interested in.
Well, Gents, that is going to be it for us this week. We thank you again for finding the time to stick with us until the end of another 4,000 word banger. I know words are not really some of y'alls strong suit so I included the abbreviated version below.
TL:DR - Kevin and Grant suck, Kyle is lucky, KP is unlucky, Daniel, Carl, and I have been the best, and everyone else has had their ups and downs.
As always, we wish everyone good luck and god speed this weekend in the upcoming fantasy matchups for Week 5. Until next time, you stay classy Emotional Friends League.
