Week 7
Passionate Playback
Oh… what up? Well, that was interesting. Another week of the 2021 campaign has been put to bed, and again we continue to press on into the infinite void of mind-numbing unpredictability that is Fantasy Football this year. The craziness of this season hit a high point last weekend after the Fantasy Gods, driven by some unknown spite directed at us mere Fantasy Mortals, maliciously brought forth the most ruthless bye-week plagued weekends we may have ever seen. That is not hyperbole one bit. Scott Hanson aptly described it on Red Zone as “Bye-maggedon”. Couldn’t have said it better myself. A great reckoning of epic proportions rampaging our league and sparing no one. I don’t know about y’all, but the depths to which we had to sink in order to just fill our lineups with bodies was downright embarrassing. This was an exercise in pure Fantasy Humiliation so emasculating that some of you were wandering the back pages of our league message boards offering… “favors” in exchange for a viable starter. When Tuesday morning finally hit, we collectively left last week like a coke addicted college dropout who partied so hard the night before, she woke up in a dirty motel alongside a grotesque hairy middle aged obese accountant named Phil, not remembering how she got there, and is now walking home along the bustling city streets phoneless, with frazzled hair, and missing one of her knock off Michael Kors high heels. As the piercing headache hits harder with each honk from the numerous taxis lining the boulevard and the intense glare from the afternoon sun blinds your eyes, the immense feeling of self-contempt starts to set in while each passerby going about their day gives you a look of utter repugnance, knowing full well what you did, as you make the walk of shame to Week 8. The things we do for Fantasy. It may be hard, but just bury those disgraceful memories of subjecting your fantasy team to some STD riddled waiver wire street hoe, in the hopes of satisfying your sadistic need for a victory, deep down in the dark recesses of your mind, and never bring it up again. What happened in Week 7, stays in Week 7.
With all that said, we do come bearing good news! There is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, my friends. Right on cue, the Passionate Playback Staff (of just me) has returned once more after studying up all last week to pass our PhD boards in clinical psychiatry, defending our thesis on reckless and self-destructive behavioral tendencies manifesting through post-traumatic stress disorder induced by playing Fantasy Football. So, it’s okay, my friend. I’m a doctor. Thaaaat’s it. There you go. Just step inside my office. We’re just going to talk. Talking never hurt anyone, right? Don’t be alarmed by my orderlies dressed in all white scrubs chaining your hands together as we slip a straight jacket on to you. No! Stop struggling! This is for your own good, god damnit!! Oh, shit we got a squirmer!! I need 50 CC’s of my classic metaphorical gems and 200 mg of my fantasy insights STAT!!!! Don’t worry, we’re gonna make you better!! Shhhhh… it’s okay… it’s okay… We’re gonna make you better… That’s it…. Shhhhhhh…. Just focus on the eerily upbeat Taylor Swift music playing over the intercom, while the meds kick in, and you slowly drift away out of consciousness as we ship you off to the looney bin. Okay, now that that’s taken care of, let’s start the treatment, shall we?
Headlines:
Grant surges to 3rd win a row, takes down Carl with 149.75 – 110.95 victory
Well, we haven’t really had a whole lot of props to dole out to our reigning champion so far this season, but slowly Grant just might be turning the tide on the staff’s opinion of his team. When he stumbled out to his 1-3 start, the magic from last year seemingly dried up worse than his sploogeless shorts that were once needing an average of 3.4 extra rinse cycles per week after his weekly Sunday Point Scoring Cumfests from just a season ago. Coming into the matchup, we were still skeptical, but if he were to knock off Carl, that would put him above .500 and have him owning the second longest win streak on the season. A tall order coming into the week considering his pleasant surprise of a TE, Dawson’s “Creek” Knox was ruled out and his main horse, Dalvin Cook, was stabled on the bye week. Further, just like Jared, he didn’t have a single player on his bench in action. All of it added up to a letdown game, because as we pointed out last week, if you go long enough, the odds say they will eventually come back to bite you. None of it mattered though, as he put up just a tick under 150 points, easily besting Carl, and taking home a third consecutive victory behind Lil Kyler’s 30 and T Sweezy’s long lost cousin’s 28.4. Oh, and how could we not mention the best waiver wire dart throw of the year, CJ Uzomah’s 24.1 points on three freaking catches? A gutsy performance if I’ve ever seen one. A part of me is actually happy that Grant’s shorts are finally getting some nice thick loads deposited in the crotchal region and the industrial sized jug of laundry detergent Grant invested in preseason is getting some use. Go figure.
On the other side of the token, we have Carl, who is dangerously flirting so much with Fantasy’s most dreaded mistress, Madame Inconsistency, that we might be a couple weeks away from them making it Facebook Official. While he is still grasping tightly to his 4-3 record, good for fourth place in the standings, with this loss to Grant, he now drops to 1-3 over his last three contests and is in serious jeopardy of falling into the tier of teams fighting for the last few playoff spots. We didn’t think it was going to get much worse than his Week 4 shit storm, but if it wasn’t for Mike Evans throwing up over 30 points, this would’ve comfortably been the worst week of the points output in the league by any team so far this year. Nine of his ten starters scored less than 16.7 points, and six starters finished with less than 10 points. I’m truly mystified by his pathetic performance, and as he continues to desperately make roster moves, one has to wonder if he is trying too hard. He has by far made the most transactions this season (considering he took over Trevor’s team, whom rarely made moves, and he has the team's total transactions at 135, which is most over the last two and half seasons according to the league history tab), he’s spent the most FAAB (only 8 bucks left), and has been involved in the league’s only two trades. Further, both his trades have had him moving high profile players. Listen, the staff will always lean toward shying away from the heavy handed criticism for managers who are consistently active in the improvement of their team while we take no qualms with eviscerating the managers who are frugal with their FAAB (Kevin… Kyle… you know what I’m talking about). However, one has to ask if his furious pace of spending and trading might be taking it too far? It’s a fair question after he jumped out to 3-0 and then promptly choked out all his momentum like Liam Neeson taking down a Bosnian mobster. The road ahead isn’t going to get much easier too, as he gets the Commish next week, who’s particular set of skills seems to be accumulating massive bursts of fantasy points these last few weeks. (*Bosnian Accent*) Good Luck.
The Kevins both lose big; jump out as early front runners in race for shittiest team in the league
Oh man, the race for shittiest team in the league is getting really spicy, folks! One of our favorite subplots to monitor every year, and it looks like right now, just past the halfway point of our season, we have a two-horse race to see who can be the most inept manager in the league. Looking at KP, even though he is only two games back from 6th, with just a single win and needing to jump four teams, after his loss this past week, I feel okay with officially pouring one out for the league’s most unlucky manager. He is certifiably done-zo. While luck most definitely hasn’t been on his side, or anywhere near his same area code for that matter, it is all just too much to overcome in our opinion. Bad for KP definitely, but the silver lining for all of us is that it will make for one hell of a battle to see if he can beat Kevin at what Kevin does best: sucking at Fantasy. With his team being so amazingly consistent at hovering right in the no man’s land of not quite awful but not quite good each week, it’s going to be a tough task if he wants the coveted title of shittiness. While he has eclipsed 140 points in five of his seven weeks of play, he has only scored more than 151 twice. Not the performance of the league’s worst team, but now that he is 1-6, he’s in the perfect position to just plug his nose and take the Slumdog Millionaire style plunge right into the giant cesspool of sewage that is more and more losses. We believe in you, KP!
Well, even though KP is in the lead, we have to admit the clear favorite for shittiest team is most likely Kevin. With yet another loss this week and failing to score over 130 in his trouncing at the hands of Daniel, the Passionate Playback Sportsbook has his odds now sitting at -450 to get the job done. While KP has shown to be a worthy adversary in the race, Kevin’s display of pure terribleness this season has been a Fantasy clinic on how to not win. Starting with the draft, down to his frugality with his FAAB and lack of waiver pickups, we can’t really find many obstacles as he continues down the path of ineptitude, directly into last place. So, are we going to put down a cool thou on Kev capturing the title for shittiest team? You already know! However, we will keep a close eye on a dark horse pick, Kyle, as well. He’s getting great odds at +1100. It might not be a terrible idea to jump on that bet now before you’re kicking yourself in Week 10 and he’s riding a six-game skid. There is a lot of action from the sharps on that one right now, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it's never a bad idea to follow the smart money. Something to think about.
Tyler rebounds nicely from last place in Power Rankings by pulling out a big one against Kyle, also beats him in Fantasy Matchup (boom.) 159.05 – 150.95
To finish the headlines on a positive note, it was a bit of a heart-warming weekend to see the embattled manager, Tyler, avenge his last place ranking from last week with an inspiring victory over Kyle. In the most classic Tyler fashion possible, it was through another hard-fought week in a game decided by 10 or less points yet again. At risk of falling to 2-5, the prideful manager and past league champion had to step up if he was going to avoid dwindling away at the bottom of the standings and the Power Rankings. Yet, with the will of a champion who wouldn’t bow down to the evil forces holding his team down, he somehow fired up his injury riddled roster by boldly claiming on the league message boards he had put up the Power Rankings in the team's locker room. Well, in a brilliant move of motivation and team leadership, it couldn’t have worked out much better for Tyler, as he jumped out to the big lead Sunday and then held on Monday Night for the W. It was a solid performance through and through for him as Scary Terry snagged an excellent 25.2 points and Lamar did his job, adding in another 27.65 to lead him to victory. Now at 3-4, he is right back in the playoff hunt, looking for more blood, facing off against Grant, one of the hottest teams in the league, in a huge Week 8 clash. Can he keep it up? Well, I can’t answer that one. Just like I can’t answer why the guy in the front row of the Bucs game would give Brady his 600th TD ball back? Seriously though. Mike Evans literally just handed you a piece of sports memorabilia valued by some at nearly a quarter million dollars, and you just casually agree to give it back to Brady? A guy who has seven super bowl rings, thousands of other (deflated?) game balls, a wife who is a super model and makes MORE money than him! At the end of the day, it’s going to just be another ball to Brady, packed away in one of 19 rooms inside his $20 million estate, filled with the rest of his game used shit that I’m sure he doesn't even bother walking into, like ever. For the dude working some boring 9-5 I'm sure, that is life changing money, and you said, nah, the almost billionaire who has accomplished literally every possible thing you can at life, deserves it over me. Disgraceful. Realize the moment, man! Just remember, gents, no matter what happens in Fantasy this season, no one will take home as big of an L as that guy this season. And that was this week’s random tangent brought to you by Chipotle. When you want a tasty burrito, but also need a deep cleaning of your intestines, Chipotle has you covered. Now back to Fantasy…
Awards:
Longfellow Deeds Luckiest Play of the Week – Grant getting 24.1 from C.J. Uzomah
Oooohh! New award alert!! The first ever recipient of the Longfellow Deeds Luckiest Play of the Week goes to Grant and his superb pick up of C.J. Who’s Yo Mama! Grant, needing a TE with Knox’s injury, looked to the waiver wires last week to find a barren wasteland so dismal with TE’s they could’ve used it for the set of Book of Eli. Nevertheless, with luck akin to having an unknown great uncle die, handing him down a multibillion-dollar fortune, Uzomah housed two of his three catches to deliver Grant a fantastic 24.1 points. You don’t often see the rando waiver fill in play come through like that in Fantasy, but the Fantasy Gods were on his side for some unknown reason, and for that we must acknowledge it was one hell of a break for the suddenly resurgent squad of Grant’s. Touché, my friend. I’ll bring the beers… I’ll bring the beers…
Power Rankings:
The Upper Class
1. DanielWest 6-1; Power Score: 8.45
2. Alex Ashak 4-3; Power Score: 8.2
3. jressa 6-2; Power Score: 7.75
Daniel once again paces the league in the Power Rankings as he has now strung off six straight, topping his five gamer to start last season. In Week’s 1-7 over the past two seasons, he has notched a sterling 11-3 mark over that period, amazing us all with glistening Fantasy Play. It really has been special for Dan the Man considering where he came from, middling away with the league’s worst teams for years, to blossom into a stalwart amongst the elite class of teams in the league. While he has only the fourth highest amount of Points Four (1088.8), his 45-18 League Record is second to none. It’s been a stellar season for Daniel-San on multiple levels, and he gets the chance to strengthen it even more this upcoming week, with Yours Truly pitted against him. In one of the biggest regular season matchups in a long while, the top two teams in the league in terms of record and the numbers one and three teams in the Power Rankings, will be facing off with major playoff bye week implications on the line. It should be a fun one to watch (and participate in for moi), so let’s kick it out live to the one true Fantasy Goddess, the sideline hottie herself, Erin Andrews for more on this colossal Week 8 tilt. Erin, what are Daniel’s chances as he takes on the second-place team in the standings this week?
“I don’t know”
Well, alright then. Awesome stuff as usual, Erin, I don’t know what we would do without the impactful information you bring for us on Daniel’s team week in and week out. Until next time, don’t you stop showing off that voluptuous bosom for the whole world to see.
The Middle Class
4. Cholgerson34 4-3; Power Score: 6.45
5. Jweverstad 3-4; Power Score: 6.3
6. KenUdigit 4-3; Power Score 5.45
7. Tborgs4 3-4; Power Score: 5.0
The enigma that is Jared’s team continues to confound us here on the staff, and after last week’s dismantling of him by Yours Truly, he descends back into the middle of the Power Rankings at number five. We get that last week was particularly unusual as he was missing just about every good player on his roster, arguable making him the most brutalized manager from the “Bye-pocalypse” week in terms of roster availability. Still, to date he has clearly been the most volatile manager in the league in his Power Ranking position, seeing himself as high as number two, and as low as number seven. This week he just about splits the difference at five, and with a 3-4 record, it is going to be an uphill battle requiring little room for error if he is going to be a mainstay in the upper half of the league. With his 4th best League Record (36-27) and Coach Performance (116.5 points left on the board), combined with his 3rd best Points For (1089.95) and Points Against (1091.95), his numbers indicate he has been better than what his record says. Thus, he very much can rebound from his mediocre first half of the season and supplant himself comfortably into a playoff seat. However, if there is any drop off in his play and/or a surge from the likes of Kyle, Tyler, or (*Coughs*) Big Kev… than he might find himself at the consolation kiddie table while the rest of us sophisticated adults are enjoying our time at the playoffs table. So, Week 8 now becomes extremely pivotal in his matchup against KP; a bit of a crossroads for the beleaguered manager dead set on shattering the record for most complaints on the league message board. A win brings him back to .500, and decisively in a solid position to make a run. However, a third straight loss would be catastrophic, dropping him to 3-5 and setting him back into the rungs of inferior Fantasy Teams. The numbers are there, so we think he will make it happen. Nevertheless, all roads might just be leading to the deserted ghost town that is Consolationville as the Enigmatic Express Train keeps rolling right along for our old pal.
The Slums
8. BigPapaPump92 1-6; Power Score: 3.95
9. Kshak 2-5; Power Score: 3.4
10. KartierKyle 3-4; Power Score: 3.0
Just not a whole lot of anything on the good side, in regards to the positivity scale, for any of these teams saddled to the inferior class of our league. I mean Kyle does have three wins, but the mere fact that his Power Score was so low, in spite of his record, just goes to show how bad he has actually been this season. He his dead fucking last in League Record with an abhorrent 18-45 mark as well as Points For with an embarrassingly putrid 942. It is nothing short of miraculous that he retains any hope at all with his 3-4 record. I am truly in disbelief, and it is an affront to all of us in the league that he remains within striking distance of the playoffs. I get it, Trevor used this method of sorcery for years in order to claim playoff spot after playoff spot, but if what Trev did on a yearly basis was basic use of the Dark Arts, what Kyle is doing is some sort of hybrid steroid and cocaine infused quantam engineering level shit with his mastery of Trevor's demonic wizardry. It seems harmless now, but before we know it he could be playing in the title game, leaving us all scratching our heads in utter confusion, asking ourselves wha-wha-what happened? This needs to end now. Who will be the hero that will rise up and slay this evil purveyor of point reducing spells Kyle casts upon his opponents? Who plays him in Week 8?
Fuck…
It’s Kevin.
Welp, we’re all doomed.
So, that is going to do it for this week, gents. I am sorry to say I must leave with even worse news this week. Due to the nature of our real-life job, the staff will be taking a one-week hiatus next week because of a TDY (temporary duty) in another country we have been called upon to participate in. Unfortunately, during this, we won’t have access to our trusty Dell to be able to write up our weekly recaps for y’all. Phil in Accounting (Wait a second...) did offer to take over executive duties for the week, but ultimately I felt it best to suspend operations. We will miss you all dearly (kinda), and will make every attempt to have an extra special double weeker recap ready just in time for Week 10. Until next time, this is the Passionate Playback from foggy England. Out!
Oh… what up? Well, that was interesting. Another week of the 2021 campaign has been put to bed, and again we continue to press on into the infinite void of mind-numbing unpredictability that is Fantasy Football this year. The craziness of this season hit a high point last weekend after the Fantasy Gods, driven by some unknown spite directed at us mere Fantasy Mortals, maliciously brought forth the most ruthless bye-week plagued weekends we may have ever seen. That is not hyperbole one bit. Scott Hanson aptly described it on Red Zone as “Bye-maggedon”. Couldn’t have said it better myself. A great reckoning of epic proportions rampaging our league and sparing no one. I don’t know about y’all, but the depths to which we had to sink in order to just fill our lineups with bodies was downright embarrassing. This was an exercise in pure Fantasy Humiliation so emasculating that some of you were wandering the back pages of our league message boards offering… “favors” in exchange for a viable starter. When Tuesday morning finally hit, we collectively left last week like a coke addicted college dropout who partied so hard the night before, she woke up in a dirty motel alongside a grotesque hairy middle aged obese accountant named Phil, not remembering how she got there, and is now walking home along the bustling city streets phoneless, with frazzled hair, and missing one of her knock off Michael Kors high heels. As the piercing headache hits harder with each honk from the numerous taxis lining the boulevard and the intense glare from the afternoon sun blinds your eyes, the immense feeling of self-contempt starts to set in while each passerby going about their day gives you a look of utter repugnance, knowing full well what you did, as you make the walk of shame to Week 8. The things we do for Fantasy. It may be hard, but just bury those disgraceful memories of subjecting your fantasy team to some STD riddled waiver wire street hoe, in the hopes of satisfying your sadistic need for a victory, deep down in the dark recesses of your mind, and never bring it up again. What happened in Week 7, stays in Week 7.
With all that said, we do come bearing good news! There is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, my friends. Right on cue, the Passionate Playback Staff (of just me) has returned once more after studying up all last week to pass our PhD boards in clinical psychiatry, defending our thesis on reckless and self-destructive behavioral tendencies manifesting through post-traumatic stress disorder induced by playing Fantasy Football. So, it’s okay, my friend. I’m a doctor. Thaaaat’s it. There you go. Just step inside my office. We’re just going to talk. Talking never hurt anyone, right? Don’t be alarmed by my orderlies dressed in all white scrubs chaining your hands together as we slip a straight jacket on to you. No! Stop struggling! This is for your own good, god damnit!! Oh, shit we got a squirmer!! I need 50 CC’s of my classic metaphorical gems and 200 mg of my fantasy insights STAT!!!! Don’t worry, we’re gonna make you better!! Shhhhh… it’s okay… it’s okay… We’re gonna make you better… That’s it…. Shhhhhhh…. Just focus on the eerily upbeat Taylor Swift music playing over the intercom, while the meds kick in, and you slowly drift away out of consciousness as we ship you off to the looney bin. Okay, now that that’s taken care of, let’s start the treatment, shall we?
Headlines:
Grant surges to 3rd win a row, takes down Carl with 149.75 – 110.95 victory
Well, we haven’t really had a whole lot of props to dole out to our reigning champion so far this season, but slowly Grant just might be turning the tide on the staff’s opinion of his team. When he stumbled out to his 1-3 start, the magic from last year seemingly dried up worse than his sploogeless shorts that were once needing an average of 3.4 extra rinse cycles per week after his weekly Sunday Point Scoring Cumfests from just a season ago. Coming into the matchup, we were still skeptical, but if he were to knock off Carl, that would put him above .500 and have him owning the second longest win streak on the season. A tall order coming into the week considering his pleasant surprise of a TE, Dawson’s “Creek” Knox was ruled out and his main horse, Dalvin Cook, was stabled on the bye week. Further, just like Jared, he didn’t have a single player on his bench in action. All of it added up to a letdown game, because as we pointed out last week, if you go long enough, the odds say they will eventually come back to bite you. None of it mattered though, as he put up just a tick under 150 points, easily besting Carl, and taking home a third consecutive victory behind Lil Kyler’s 30 and T Sweezy’s long lost cousin’s 28.4. Oh, and how could we not mention the best waiver wire dart throw of the year, CJ Uzomah’s 24.1 points on three freaking catches? A gutsy performance if I’ve ever seen one. A part of me is actually happy that Grant’s shorts are finally getting some nice thick loads deposited in the crotchal region and the industrial sized jug of laundry detergent Grant invested in preseason is getting some use. Go figure.
On the other side of the token, we have Carl, who is dangerously flirting so much with Fantasy’s most dreaded mistress, Madame Inconsistency, that we might be a couple weeks away from them making it Facebook Official. While he is still grasping tightly to his 4-3 record, good for fourth place in the standings, with this loss to Grant, he now drops to 1-3 over his last three contests and is in serious jeopardy of falling into the tier of teams fighting for the last few playoff spots. We didn’t think it was going to get much worse than his Week 4 shit storm, but if it wasn’t for Mike Evans throwing up over 30 points, this would’ve comfortably been the worst week of the points output in the league by any team so far this year. Nine of his ten starters scored less than 16.7 points, and six starters finished with less than 10 points. I’m truly mystified by his pathetic performance, and as he continues to desperately make roster moves, one has to wonder if he is trying too hard. He has by far made the most transactions this season (considering he took over Trevor’s team, whom rarely made moves, and he has the team's total transactions at 135, which is most over the last two and half seasons according to the league history tab), he’s spent the most FAAB (only 8 bucks left), and has been involved in the league’s only two trades. Further, both his trades have had him moving high profile players. Listen, the staff will always lean toward shying away from the heavy handed criticism for managers who are consistently active in the improvement of their team while we take no qualms with eviscerating the managers who are frugal with their FAAB (Kevin… Kyle… you know what I’m talking about). However, one has to ask if his furious pace of spending and trading might be taking it too far? It’s a fair question after he jumped out to 3-0 and then promptly choked out all his momentum like Liam Neeson taking down a Bosnian mobster. The road ahead isn’t going to get much easier too, as he gets the Commish next week, who’s particular set of skills seems to be accumulating massive bursts of fantasy points these last few weeks. (*Bosnian Accent*) Good Luck.
The Kevins both lose big; jump out as early front runners in race for shittiest team in the league
Oh man, the race for shittiest team in the league is getting really spicy, folks! One of our favorite subplots to monitor every year, and it looks like right now, just past the halfway point of our season, we have a two-horse race to see who can be the most inept manager in the league. Looking at KP, even though he is only two games back from 6th, with just a single win and needing to jump four teams, after his loss this past week, I feel okay with officially pouring one out for the league’s most unlucky manager. He is certifiably done-zo. While luck most definitely hasn’t been on his side, or anywhere near his same area code for that matter, it is all just too much to overcome in our opinion. Bad for KP definitely, but the silver lining for all of us is that it will make for one hell of a battle to see if he can beat Kevin at what Kevin does best: sucking at Fantasy. With his team being so amazingly consistent at hovering right in the no man’s land of not quite awful but not quite good each week, it’s going to be a tough task if he wants the coveted title of shittiness. While he has eclipsed 140 points in five of his seven weeks of play, he has only scored more than 151 twice. Not the performance of the league’s worst team, but now that he is 1-6, he’s in the perfect position to just plug his nose and take the Slumdog Millionaire style plunge right into the giant cesspool of sewage that is more and more losses. We believe in you, KP!
Well, even though KP is in the lead, we have to admit the clear favorite for shittiest team is most likely Kevin. With yet another loss this week and failing to score over 130 in his trouncing at the hands of Daniel, the Passionate Playback Sportsbook has his odds now sitting at -450 to get the job done. While KP has shown to be a worthy adversary in the race, Kevin’s display of pure terribleness this season has been a Fantasy clinic on how to not win. Starting with the draft, down to his frugality with his FAAB and lack of waiver pickups, we can’t really find many obstacles as he continues down the path of ineptitude, directly into last place. So, are we going to put down a cool thou on Kev capturing the title for shittiest team? You already know! However, we will keep a close eye on a dark horse pick, Kyle, as well. He’s getting great odds at +1100. It might not be a terrible idea to jump on that bet now before you’re kicking yourself in Week 10 and he’s riding a six-game skid. There is a lot of action from the sharps on that one right now, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it's never a bad idea to follow the smart money. Something to think about.
Tyler rebounds nicely from last place in Power Rankings by pulling out a big one against Kyle, also beats him in Fantasy Matchup (boom.) 159.05 – 150.95
To finish the headlines on a positive note, it was a bit of a heart-warming weekend to see the embattled manager, Tyler, avenge his last place ranking from last week with an inspiring victory over Kyle. In the most classic Tyler fashion possible, it was through another hard-fought week in a game decided by 10 or less points yet again. At risk of falling to 2-5, the prideful manager and past league champion had to step up if he was going to avoid dwindling away at the bottom of the standings and the Power Rankings. Yet, with the will of a champion who wouldn’t bow down to the evil forces holding his team down, he somehow fired up his injury riddled roster by boldly claiming on the league message boards he had put up the Power Rankings in the team's locker room. Well, in a brilliant move of motivation and team leadership, it couldn’t have worked out much better for Tyler, as he jumped out to the big lead Sunday and then held on Monday Night for the W. It was a solid performance through and through for him as Scary Terry snagged an excellent 25.2 points and Lamar did his job, adding in another 27.65 to lead him to victory. Now at 3-4, he is right back in the playoff hunt, looking for more blood, facing off against Grant, one of the hottest teams in the league, in a huge Week 8 clash. Can he keep it up? Well, I can’t answer that one. Just like I can’t answer why the guy in the front row of the Bucs game would give Brady his 600th TD ball back? Seriously though. Mike Evans literally just handed you a piece of sports memorabilia valued by some at nearly a quarter million dollars, and you just casually agree to give it back to Brady? A guy who has seven super bowl rings, thousands of other (deflated?) game balls, a wife who is a super model and makes MORE money than him! At the end of the day, it’s going to just be another ball to Brady, packed away in one of 19 rooms inside his $20 million estate, filled with the rest of his game used shit that I’m sure he doesn't even bother walking into, like ever. For the dude working some boring 9-5 I'm sure, that is life changing money, and you said, nah, the almost billionaire who has accomplished literally every possible thing you can at life, deserves it over me. Disgraceful. Realize the moment, man! Just remember, gents, no matter what happens in Fantasy this season, no one will take home as big of an L as that guy this season. And that was this week’s random tangent brought to you by Chipotle. When you want a tasty burrito, but also need a deep cleaning of your intestines, Chipotle has you covered. Now back to Fantasy…
Awards:
Longfellow Deeds Luckiest Play of the Week – Grant getting 24.1 from C.J. Uzomah
Oooohh! New award alert!! The first ever recipient of the Longfellow Deeds Luckiest Play of the Week goes to Grant and his superb pick up of C.J. Who’s Yo Mama! Grant, needing a TE with Knox’s injury, looked to the waiver wires last week to find a barren wasteland so dismal with TE’s they could’ve used it for the set of Book of Eli. Nevertheless, with luck akin to having an unknown great uncle die, handing him down a multibillion-dollar fortune, Uzomah housed two of his three catches to deliver Grant a fantastic 24.1 points. You don’t often see the rando waiver fill in play come through like that in Fantasy, but the Fantasy Gods were on his side for some unknown reason, and for that we must acknowledge it was one hell of a break for the suddenly resurgent squad of Grant’s. Touché, my friend. I’ll bring the beers… I’ll bring the beers…
Power Rankings:
The Upper Class
1. DanielWest 6-1; Power Score: 8.45
2. Alex Ashak 4-3; Power Score: 8.2
3. jressa 6-2; Power Score: 7.75
Daniel once again paces the league in the Power Rankings as he has now strung off six straight, topping his five gamer to start last season. In Week’s 1-7 over the past two seasons, he has notched a sterling 11-3 mark over that period, amazing us all with glistening Fantasy Play. It really has been special for Dan the Man considering where he came from, middling away with the league’s worst teams for years, to blossom into a stalwart amongst the elite class of teams in the league. While he has only the fourth highest amount of Points Four (1088.8), his 45-18 League Record is second to none. It’s been a stellar season for Daniel-San on multiple levels, and he gets the chance to strengthen it even more this upcoming week, with Yours Truly pitted against him. In one of the biggest regular season matchups in a long while, the top two teams in the league in terms of record and the numbers one and three teams in the Power Rankings, will be facing off with major playoff bye week implications on the line. It should be a fun one to watch (and participate in for moi), so let’s kick it out live to the one true Fantasy Goddess, the sideline hottie herself, Erin Andrews for more on this colossal Week 8 tilt. Erin, what are Daniel’s chances as he takes on the second-place team in the standings this week?
“I don’t know”
Well, alright then. Awesome stuff as usual, Erin, I don’t know what we would do without the impactful information you bring for us on Daniel’s team week in and week out. Until next time, don’t you stop showing off that voluptuous bosom for the whole world to see.
The Middle Class
4. Cholgerson34 4-3; Power Score: 6.45
5. Jweverstad 3-4; Power Score: 6.3
6. KenUdigit 4-3; Power Score 5.45
7. Tborgs4 3-4; Power Score: 5.0
The enigma that is Jared’s team continues to confound us here on the staff, and after last week’s dismantling of him by Yours Truly, he descends back into the middle of the Power Rankings at number five. We get that last week was particularly unusual as he was missing just about every good player on his roster, arguable making him the most brutalized manager from the “Bye-pocalypse” week in terms of roster availability. Still, to date he has clearly been the most volatile manager in the league in his Power Ranking position, seeing himself as high as number two, and as low as number seven. This week he just about splits the difference at five, and with a 3-4 record, it is going to be an uphill battle requiring little room for error if he is going to be a mainstay in the upper half of the league. With his 4th best League Record (36-27) and Coach Performance (116.5 points left on the board), combined with his 3rd best Points For (1089.95) and Points Against (1091.95), his numbers indicate he has been better than what his record says. Thus, he very much can rebound from his mediocre first half of the season and supplant himself comfortably into a playoff seat. However, if there is any drop off in his play and/or a surge from the likes of Kyle, Tyler, or (*Coughs*) Big Kev… than he might find himself at the consolation kiddie table while the rest of us sophisticated adults are enjoying our time at the playoffs table. So, Week 8 now becomes extremely pivotal in his matchup against KP; a bit of a crossroads for the beleaguered manager dead set on shattering the record for most complaints on the league message board. A win brings him back to .500, and decisively in a solid position to make a run. However, a third straight loss would be catastrophic, dropping him to 3-5 and setting him back into the rungs of inferior Fantasy Teams. The numbers are there, so we think he will make it happen. Nevertheless, all roads might just be leading to the deserted ghost town that is Consolationville as the Enigmatic Express Train keeps rolling right along for our old pal.
The Slums
8. BigPapaPump92 1-6; Power Score: 3.95
9. Kshak 2-5; Power Score: 3.4
10. KartierKyle 3-4; Power Score: 3.0
Just not a whole lot of anything on the good side, in regards to the positivity scale, for any of these teams saddled to the inferior class of our league. I mean Kyle does have three wins, but the mere fact that his Power Score was so low, in spite of his record, just goes to show how bad he has actually been this season. He his dead fucking last in League Record with an abhorrent 18-45 mark as well as Points For with an embarrassingly putrid 942. It is nothing short of miraculous that he retains any hope at all with his 3-4 record. I am truly in disbelief, and it is an affront to all of us in the league that he remains within striking distance of the playoffs. I get it, Trevor used this method of sorcery for years in order to claim playoff spot after playoff spot, but if what Trev did on a yearly basis was basic use of the Dark Arts, what Kyle is doing is some sort of hybrid steroid and cocaine infused quantam engineering level shit with his mastery of Trevor's demonic wizardry. It seems harmless now, but before we know it he could be playing in the title game, leaving us all scratching our heads in utter confusion, asking ourselves wha-wha-what happened? This needs to end now. Who will be the hero that will rise up and slay this evil purveyor of point reducing spells Kyle casts upon his opponents? Who plays him in Week 8?
Fuck…
It’s Kevin.
Welp, we’re all doomed.
So, that is going to do it for this week, gents. I am sorry to say I must leave with even worse news this week. Due to the nature of our real-life job, the staff will be taking a one-week hiatus next week because of a TDY (temporary duty) in another country we have been called upon to participate in. Unfortunately, during this, we won’t have access to our trusty Dell to be able to write up our weekly recaps for y’all. Phil in Accounting (Wait a second...) did offer to take over executive duties for the week, but ultimately I felt it best to suspend operations. We will miss you all dearly (kinda), and will make every attempt to have an extra special double weeker recap ready just in time for Week 10. Until next time, this is the Passionate Playback from foggy England. Out!
